


Can You Keep A Secret?

by sparklemissfortune



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Bladder Control, Desperation, Dom/sub Undertones, M/M, Omorashi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:20:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24630685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklemissfortune/pseuds/sparklemissfortune
Summary: Zack/Cloud slowburn set in their Shinra days, where I retcon most canon for omorashi kink. Purely self indulgent, but figured someone else might enjoy it, so here it is.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 113
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PSA: Omorashi is a kink for a person needing to pee and/or wetting themselves.
> 
> I prefer desperation to wetting, which is where the focus will be most of the time. There is one wetting incident (chapter 4). The rest is just plot, awkwardness and desperation.

Zack Fair couldn’t think of a better way to spend a day off from training. Standing in the most out of the way public bathroom he could find at the sinks, inches away from relief but forbidding himself to take it. He wanted it to be quiet enough that he was only rarely disturbed, but knowing that at any moment he could be just increased the thrill. If he heard the telltale squeak of the door he simply made out like he was fixing his hair, nodding a hello to whoever had entered if he knew them. Sometimes, if the person entering wanted to chat, he would saunter over to a urinal and pretend he was going to use it. That was always deliciously torturous.

Hands on the edge of the sink, he took a deep breath and bowed his head in concentration. He had no idea _why_ the feeling of an overly full bladder turned him on like a light-switch, but he was long past feeling shame at himself for it. He would stand here and wait until he couldn’t wait any longer, finally allow himself relief, then head back to his room for some well deserved private time. He had it all planned out.

The door squeaked open, and he quickly pulled his head up and starting running his fingers through his hair. A Shinra trainee entered; it was no-one that Zack knew, so he turned his attention back to the mirror. He was finding it difficult to stand still and act normally, and he willed the new arrival to get done and get out quickly.

Fate wasn’t so kind. The man had moved to the sinks, running his hands through his blond hair. However his vanity break took longer than Zack anticipated it should, and he studied the man out of the corner of his eye. He was cute in an almost dainty kind of way, though Zack knew not to underestimate anyone who was training for SOLDIER. Blond hair was spiked in a similar style to his own, but shorter. Baby blue eyes were trained hard on the mirror; Zack frowned at that, before smirking in realisation. As much as he wanted to watch the cute trainee try not to squirm, he was having trouble standing still himself.

“There’s no queue,” he said, voice echoing in the empty room. The blond man jumped, turning to face Zack with widened eyes. Zack indicated to his side with a nod of his head at the urinals. “Go on. I promise not to peek.”

The blond man stammered in response, cheeks scarlet red up to his ears at being sussed out. He quickly turned back to the mirror, fiddling with his hair again. Zack took a deep breath, willing himself to stay still. He did _not_ have the time to pep talk a shy trainee, nor was he going to give him the relief he wanted by leaving because he didn’t trust being more than a second away from urinals right then himself. As if on cue, his bladder contracted painfully and he stifled a gasp as he grabbed the edge of the sink. He didn’t have long, and they were at a stalemate. He wasn’t sure whether to be even more turned on at the thought, or annoyed at the trainee for interrupting.

The trainee was looking at him, he realised; he looked him up and down, finally smiling slightly and indicating the urinals with his head. “There’s no queue,” he said, his voice confident and cocky.

Oh no, he wasn’t annoyed at _all_. To the average person that line wasn’t flirtatious, but Zack was taking it as so. “Touché. What’s your name?”

“Cloud. You?”

“Zack. Nice to meet you, Cloud. So tell me- why did you come all the way down here? This is the most deserted bathroom on the whole campus. There’s no reason to be up here at your rank unless you’re specifically seeking this place out.”

“There’s no reason to be up here at your rank either,” Cloud said. God, he was so confident behind that shyness! “So why are _you_ here?”

“I’m SOLDIER First Class. I don’t need a reason. I asked you first anyway. You shy?”

“Something like that.” Cloud stared back at the mirror, his cheeks a little flushed. “I…” He tailed off, shaking his head instead. “Look, it’s not your problem.”

“Now I’m really intrigued,” Zack said, before another twinge from his bladder stole his breath and made him gasp.

“So am I,” Cloud said, smirking at the sight before him.

“I’m not talking if you’re not.”

“How childish.” Cloud ran his hands through his hair one last time, putting one hand on his hip and studying Zack intently. Zack glared at him, very aware of how completely unable to stand still he was. “I can wait a little, but I don’t think you can. So, how do you propose we handle this?”

Zack would have been impressed by how overconfident Cloud was, especially since Zack clearly outranked him, but he was rapidly approaching his limit and couldn’t spare the thought process for it. “I’m not shy,” he said with a shrug. “You being here doesn’t stop me from going.”

“No, something else is stopping you,” Cloud said. “I just haven’t worked out what that is yet.”

Zack didn’t feel like sharing the reason either. As cute as this guy was, he had no idea if he was the type to gossip. The last thing he wanted was talk of what got him going in the bedroom becoming campus news. He shifted and exhaled heavily; he was going to have to cut his waiting session a little short, but it was worth it. He was already filing the whole experience into his memory bank for when he got back to his room.

“It’s nothing,” he said, heading over to the urinals. “Just got carried away fixing my hair.”

Cloud raised one eyebrow at him, but said nothing. He also didn’t move, but he did at least turn back to the mirror and feign disinterest. Zack took one last moment to savour the feeling, rubbing one hand lightly across his lower stomach while Cloud was turned away. That taunt feeling sent a shiver through him, and he briefly wondered whether he should duck into a cubicle and give himself a few strokes to keep the feeling going a little longer. He glanced at Cloud out of the corner of his eye; still looking at the mirror, not at him. He _could_ just do that standing right where he was, but he quickly pushed the thought away. His exhibitionist streak was going to get him caught out if he wasn’t careful.

“Now who’s shy?” Cloud said, making Zack jump. He yelped as the scare took him moments from losing control, quickly taking aim and finally releasing his aching bladder. The relief took time to come, as it always did when he got so close to the edge, and he had to suppress a slight moan. Cloud really would ask questions then.

“How long were you waiting for?”

It looked like Cloud had questions regardless. Zack kept his eyes closed in relief, ignoring him as he had no sensible answer to give. When he finally opened them to walk back to the sinks, Cloud was watching him in disbelief. Zack ignored him, washing his hands and looking down into the water to avoid his eye.

“Guess I should leave you in peace then,” he said, shaking his hands dry and heading to the door. "Catch you later.”

He didn’t give Cloud the chance to say anything, passing through the squeaky door quickly. He was going to have a _very_ good afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No omorashi other than verbal chat on the topic in this one, it's the ~plot chapter!~ We'll be back to the scheduled omorashi next time though.
> 
> Zack and Cloud play twenty questions. Zack gets some insight into his new friend.

“Zack.”

Zack looked up to see the last person he expected in front of him; Cloud, and he was holding out a paper coffee cup. Cautiously, he took it with a nod of thanks, not expecting Cloud to sit down opposite him.

“Who’s the rookie?” His friend asked from his side, smirking as he did so. Zack saw Cloud’s eyes flicker for just a moment, before steeling over again. He frowned just slightly, turning to the other SOLDIER.

“He’s a friend. Go easy on him.”

That was all that needed to be said. Cloud stayed where he was, sipping his coffee and saying no more. Zack had to mentally fan himself at the total _confidence_ Cloud had exhibited by simply showing up to a SOLDIER dining table and seating himself like he belonged there. It was a total power move, and Zack was into it.

“So how did you meet?” The other SOLDIER asked conversationally, directing his question at Cloud. Without missing a beat, Cloud gave him an easy smile.

“We just crossed paths in the hall one day. I nearly walked into him, he laughed about it, and we ended up becoming friends.”

Zack had to hand it to Cloud; he sold the lie easily. However, he wanted out of the situation before it had the chance to unravel. “Sure did. I’m going to bounce, guys, I borrowed something from Cloud and I think he’s here to collect. Come on, let’s go to my room and get it.”

Cloud nodded and took Zack’s lead, walking at his side silently until they were out of the cafeteria. Then he turned to Zack and gave him a curious glance, looking a little confused.

“Why did you say we were friends?”

“Why did you make up a story about how we met?”

Their eyes met, and Zack finally smiled and stopped walking. He held one hand out, which Cloud took readily. “Let’s take this as our official meeting,” he said as they shook hands, before continuing their walk. “But I have a couple of questions. Mostly, I want to know why you tracked me down to give me coffee.”

“Can’t a guy do a nice thing for someone? What makes you think I had a motive?”

“You lied about how we met. Why?”

“Must you answer everything I ask with another question?”

“I have a lot of questions, Cloud.”

“How about for every question you get to ask, I get to ask you one?”

Zack instinctively wanted to say no, because he knew what one of those questions would be. However his curiosity got the better of him, and he found himself nodding in agreement. “Alright. When we’re in my room, though. Not out here.”

Once they were at his door, Cloud hesitated for a moment. Zack took it for shyness and held the door open, indicating with his hand for Cloud to enter.

“I’ve never seen a SOLDIER’s room before,” Cloud said quietly once he was inside, glancing around with interested eyes. “It’s neat you get a room to yourself rather than sharing.”

“Not sharing is honestly the best part about it,” Zack said, flopping down on his bed. “Sit down, make yourself at home.”

Cloud clearly didn’t know what to do with himself. This Cloud was a far cry from the bold one that had sat down at a SOLDIER’s table easily. Zack watched him silently, chuckling as Cloud finally settled down on the floor.

“You can sit on the bed, Cloud.”

Cloud stammered a little, cheeks turning a light pink as he shook his head. “No, I’m okay here.”

“What is _with_ you?” Zack said, musing out loud. “You’re either so confident you own a room when you walk in, or you’re blushing and stammering like a nervous teenage girl.”

“Is that an actual question you want to ask, because I get to ask one in return if it is,” Cloud said, fixing him with a sharp glare that was marred by the scarlet on his cheeks.

“No, we can skip that. I want to know why you stalked me until you found me, and then gave me coffee.”

“It’s hardly stalking,” Cloud said with a roll of his eyes. “I checked the time SOLDIER First Class members took their lunch, that’s all. I also know your training ends early on a Friday, so it seemed a good day to find you.”

“That still doesn’t tell me why.”

“To talk to you. I also have questions, remember?” Zack braced himself, expecting the awkward question he didn’t want to answer, but Cloud surprised him. “Why did you say we were friends?”

“I saw the look in your eye when he called you a rookie,” Zack said. “SOLDIERs can be really elitist, and I don’t like that. Was it just his attitude that rubbed you the wrong way, or is there more to it? That’s my question, by the way.”

Cloud didn’t reply right away, looking lost in thought for a moment. “I’m not sure I want to answer that,” he said finally. “It’s… Well, I don’t really know you, do I? If I tell you, it might just make things worse.”

“Make things worse? What do you mean? Is something the matter?”

“That’s a lot of questions, Zack. It’s not your turn.”

Zack sighed at him, folding his arms. “I actually get what you mean about giving information to someone you don’t know. You have to protect yourself here. It’s all fun and games until someone lets one of your secrets slip, and then everyone is talking about it. I don’t want to be the talk of the squad again.”

Cloud was astute, it seemed. “Again?”

“I’m pretty sure that counts as a question, and you haven’t answered me yet,” Zack said, smarting from Cloud’s observance. “But I get it; if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. You don’t have to trust me, but I want you to know anything you say in confidence would be safe with me.”

“I appreciate that,” Cloud said, his voice a whisper. “If you want to ask another question, you can.”

“Is there a problem in your squad? A yes or no is fine.”

“Then… Yes, there is.”

“And does that-”

“That’s a second question, isn’t it?”

Zack glared at him sharply, but knew he couldn’t argue. “Fine. Your turn.”

“Why are you humouring me with this?”

Zack thought about that for a moment before answering. “I like you. I know we don’t really _know_ each other yet, but I like what I’ve seen so far. Now going back to what I was saying; is the problem you’re having related to why you sought out the most deserted bathroom on the whole campus?”

Cloud hesitated for a moment. “It’s not just the bathroom. I know every single quiet spot where I can isolate myself when I want to. Don’t ask me why because I’m not going to tell you. I want to know why _you_ were there, though.”

Zack shook his head, leaning back against the wall behind him. “Sorry. That’s my no-go question. You got one, so I get one.”

“I am _so_ curious,” Cloud said, sighing heavily. “I’ve tried to work out what you were up to, but nothing fits. The secrecy isn’t helping, either.”

“Stop fishing for answers!”

“Okay, okay. You get one question you can ignore because I did. Instead I’ll ask… Why were you the talk of your squad before? I actually expected this to be the question you skipped out on, but you can’t now.”

Zack sighed heavily, closing his eyes. “Nope. Sorry. I guess this game ends there, because that’s off limits too.”

Cloud stood up, giving Zack a small smile. “Alright. It’s been fun, but I need to leave anyway. I have training again soon.”

“Good talk, Cloud. I’ll see you around?”

Cloud didn’t reply until he was at the door, glancing over his shoulder. “Sure. See you around, Zack.”

\-----

It didn’t take long for Cloud to become a regular fixture in Zack’s peripheral vision. A shock of blond hair in the corner of his vision that was gone moments later, or a shared glance as Cloud happened to end up back in the cafeteria on Fridays whenever possible. Zack locked eyes with him for the third week in a row, standing near the cafeteria door, before finally picking up his water and stalking right over to him.

“Come on,” he said, beckoning with one hand as he brushed past Cloud. “You’re coming with me.”

Cloud followed wordlessly, stepping into line next to Zack nervously until they were standing in a deserted side hallway. Zack studied him intently, his features melting a little as he saw the fear in Cloud’s eyes as he did so. He was acting very much like the child who had been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, but Zack had no idea why.

“I’m not mad at you,” he said. “I’m just wondering why I’ve been seeing you around all of a sudden.”

Cloud opened his mouth, closed it, turned his gaze away and finally looked down at the floor almost mournfully. “Doesn’t matter. Can I leave now?”

Zack shook his head. “Nope. Come on, spill it. What’s going on?”

Cloud met his eye, and in that moment Zack realised that he needed to back down. What he was seeing was a mixture of fear and _respect_ , and it all made sense. Cloud was clearly struggling to fit in with his infantry unit, and had found a friendly face in Zack. Zack tended to forget that his rank brought admiration from the lower units, and Cloud seemed to be no exception.

“You’re right, it doesn’t matter,” he said smoothly, giving Cloud his best smile. “But you’ve got to stop creeping around, okay? I enjoyed hanging out with you playing twenty questions. If you want to do it more often, we can.”

Cloud took a deep breath, turned his face away in an attempt to hide the pinkness spreading across his cheeks, before muttering something that sounded like ‘okay’ before fleeing. Zack watched him go, smirking a little to himself. He had a feeling he’d be seeing Cloud again.

\-----

This time it was Zack who sought out Cloud. He showed up at one of his unit’s training session, leaning unnoticed against a wall and watching what was going on. They were due to break soon, and Zack had every intention of making sure Cloud’s squad mates saw him.

What he didn’t expect to see was Cloud, who was quite a few inches shorter than the average recruit, paired up against someone much taller. While that wouldn’t have normally mattered so much, it seemed like the sparring partner was going all-in. It wasn’t expressly forbidden to do so, as such, but generally frowned upon. Cloud was holding his own well enough, but he looked beaten and exhausted.

Zack was glad when they were called to end not long later, giving the recruits a chance to catch their breath. A few glanced at him but ultimately dismissed him; it wasn’t unusual to see SOLDIERs overshadowing training sessions, either by instruction or out of boredom.

Cloud didn’t notice him. He was hunched over, hands on his knees, panting as he tried to catch his breath. His sparring partner grinned at him as he walked away, punching him on the shoulder in a way that might have looked friendly enough, but definitely wasn’t.

Zack waited until they were dismissed before walking confidently up to Cloud, putting one hand on his shoulder. Cloud, who was still hunched over, flinched noticeably at the contact.

“Yo Cloud. Thought I’d catch up with you after training. How’s things?” Cloud whirled around, eyes slightly wide as Zack gave him his best grin and a wave. “You want to come and chill for a bit? I’m free today.”

Cloud collected himself, looking a little nervous as he eyed his squad mates. “I need to go shower first.”

“Come shower at my block,” Zack said quickly. He wasn’t keen on the look Cloud was giving his fellow men. “Then we can hang out. Deal?”

He made sure to flash a smile to the other recruits as Cloud slowly nodded in agreement. The smiles he got back were pleasant enough, and Zack wasn’t the type to pull rank and make them salute him. Wanting to stay visible yet inconspicuous, he loudly made it clear he would wait outside for Cloud to grab his things, and did just that.

Cloud rejoined him a few minutes later, carrying a duffel bag and looking tired. Zack took the bag from him and slung it over one shoulder, indicating with a nod of his head for Cloud to follow.

It took until they had entered the deserted shower block in Zack’s quarters for Cloud to finally speak. “What the hell was that?”

“Am I not allowed to swing by and say hi? Or is it just you who can hang around waiting to be noticed?”

Cloud glared a little, throwing his duffel bag roughly onto a nearby bench. “I don’t need your pity.”

“I didn’t realise I needed to pity you. Does that mean something’s wrong?”

“You ask too many questions.”

Zack shrugged at that, throwing him a clean towel. “Go shower. We don’t have training today, so it’ll be just you. I got the feeling you don’t get much peace and quiet at your end.”

“It’s really none of your business.”

Frowning, Zack gestured to the door. “You didn’t have to come with me, and you’re free to leave.”

For a moment it looked like Cloud might actually do so, but he apparently collected his ego and disappeared into the showers instead. Zack sat down on a bench to wait, deep in thought. He could forgive how tetchy Cloud was, given how fed up and beaten he looked. A hot shower, completely uninterrupted, seemed like something that might help his mood.

When Cloud emerged he was completely dressed, much to Zack’s surprise. Most people just wandered out into the changing room a towel, and he’d be a liar if he said he wasn’t disappointed to be deprived of that, but the action was a little telling.

“Come chill at my place,” Zack said, and his voice gave no room for disagreement.

Once back at his room, he indicated for Cloud to sit on the bed next to him. This time Cloud hesitated, but did so. He looked awkward and out of place, clearly feeling a whole bunch of things that Zack doubted he’d talk about. Instead Zack gave him a bottle of water and a smile, and gestured to the air around them.

“Enjoy the silence,” he suggested.

Cloud apparently took him too literally, as within a few minutes he was asleep with his head to the wall behind him. Zack took the unopened bottle of water back gently, giving his new friend a wry smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack's plans for the day go awry.

Zack knew how to pace his day when he was playing games. He knew how much water to drink and when, and how long it took to work on him. It meant he got to enjoy the last couple of hours of training in a day comfortable, yet with the edges of desperation creeping up on him as the time passed. It was just how he liked it. By the time training ended he would be just desperate enough that if he fancied it, he could flash his exhibitionist streak and forgo any locker room chat by declaring his need openly. He didn’t always like to do that, though. Usually he liked to keep it his little secret.

Today was no different. He stood under the spray of the shower, tilting his head up into it gladly while his bladder pulsed in protest at the sound of the water. He was lost in his own thoughts until he heard the sound of someone talking in the locker room. It jolted him out of it, so he switched the shower off and grabbed a towel from the rack to wrap around himself.

“Is everything okay?” He asked as he entered the locker room, before his voice fell away. A medic was kneeling on the floor next to someone seated on the bench, and that person had a familiar mop of blond hair.

Cloud looked up at him, blood in his bangs, and gave him a small smile. “Hey Zack.”

“What happened?!” Zack was across the floor in a flash, kneeling down in front of him next to the medic and putting one hand up to Cloud’s bangs. The blood was fresh, smearing across his hand.

“Sparring session got a little too rough,” the medic said as he rifled through his medical kit. “I brought him here because he felt a bit faint as we were walking down to my office.”

“Sparring sessions shouldn’t draw blood,” Zack said with a frown, hands brushing the cut just under Cloud’s hairline. Cloud hissed in pain, withdrawing from his touch. “And that’s bleeding pretty heavily.”

“It might need a couple of stitches. Can you stay with him? I need to get my other kit from my office.”

The medic was gone before Zack could even reply; not that he would have left right then anyway. He stood up, fixing Cloud with a knowing look. “Is this related to the problem you mentioned having with your squad by chance?”

Cloud didn’t meet his eye, and he didn’t answer.

“Who do I need to rough up?”

“Don’t,” Cloud said quietly. “It’s fine. I can handle it.”

“Are you going to pass out on me?”

“Not if I stay sitting, no.”

“Then do that,” Zack said, rummaging in his locker for his clothes. “I’ll get dressed, and then you’re coming back with me once the medic clears you.”

He changed quickly, stealing glances at Cloud as he did so. He was pale, breathing slightly heavier than usual as he leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed. Zack had cleared basic First Aid training, and he knew without even feeling for Cloud’s pulse that it would be racing. Fresh blood still ran down his face.

Once the medic came back, he confirmed that stitches were needed. He got Cloud to lie down on the bench, injecting him with anaesthetic before putting in a couple of stitches. Zack stayed watching silently, mentally going through all the things he wanted to do to whoever had put Cloud in this position.

“He needs to lie here for a little,” the medic said as he put his things away. “Ten minutes or so. When he’s feeling better take him back to his room.”

“Okay,” Zack said, but he had no intentions of doing so. Taking Cloud back to his shared room might be putting the lamb back in the lion’s den. The medic hadn’t asked if Zack would be okay to take over, and Zack hadn’t volunteered vocally either. His eyes had said it all.

Once they were alone, Zack sighed heavily and put a hand on Cloud’s shoulder. “You doing okay?”

“No,” Cloud said truthfully, but his tone said he wasn’t going to elaborate.

They stayed in silence; Cloud resting, and Zack trying to ignore the aching in his bladder that he had been pushing aside. Usually he controlled all the factors of his games, but this was a curve ball he hadn’t been expecting. The closest bathroom was down the hall, but it wasn’t close enough for his liking with how pale Cloud was looking. He wouldn’t leave him alone right then, and so he would have to wait. At any other time he would have embraced the changes, taking the unintended extra wait time as the cherry on top of an already nice situation, but he had other more pressing matters to attend to this time.

It was easier said than done. After only a few minutes he sighed heavily in frustration, earning a tired looking glance from Cloud. “I have to piss so badly, but I can’t leave you alone,” he said, giving Cloud a smile and a wink to make light of it. It didn’t work; Cloud frowned at him and made to sit up. “No, you stay right there!” Zack put a hand out to his chest, lightly pushing him back down again. “Don’t worry about it, I can manage.”

Cloud ignored him and stood up anyway. Zack instinctively wrapped an arm around his waist to steady him, withdrawing it only when he was certain Cloud could walk on his own.

“Are you going to tell me what actually happened?” He said as they made their slow way back to Zack’s room.

“No, I don’t think so. Sorry.”

Zack huffed in annoyance, but didn’t argue. As they walked, he clocked the bathroom to his right mentally, but said nothing. Cloud was going to be with him in his room for at least a couple of hours, which upped the ante completely.

“You good?” He said as Cloud stopped walking, looking a little faint. Cloud didn’t reply, but something in his eyes had changed. Zack realised moments before it happened that he was going to sink to his knees, grabbing Cloud around the waist quickly and keeping him upright instead.

“Whoa there, buddy. I’ll bridal carry you back if I have to. Are you feeling faint?”

Cloud gave him a slow nod. Zack shifted his weight so he was taking most of Cloud’s, keeping his arm around his waist. Wordlessly he started walking, bringing Cloud along with him.

They made it to Zack’s room without further incident. Zack took Cloud over to his bed, helping him lie down on it before sitting down on the edge next to him.

“Do you have any other wounds?”

“Bruises, probably.”

“I mean any others that might be bleeding.”

Cloud shook his head, eyes still closed. “I don’t think so.”

“Do you mind if I check?”

Cloud hesitated for a moment. Zack waited for a small nod before slowly lifting Cloud’s shirt. Cloud flinched, but said nothing. Mottled yellow and purple snaked up Cloud’s side; new bruises mixed with old, Zack realised. He didn’t push it, but he filed it away for future reference.

“Nothing I can see. Have you eaten today?”

“No.”

Zack sighed heavily, standing up and opening the small cupboard next to his bed. He pulled Cloud to a sitting position, handing him a bottle of water. “Here. Electrolyte water. I always have a few bottles around for those rough days. It isn’t perfect, and you should eat as soon as you feel able, okay? I can fix you some food when I feel comfortable actually leaving you.”

Cloud gave him a small, genuine smile of thanks, taking the water and sipping it slowly. Once it was half empty he laid back down again, closing his eyes. It didn’t take long for his breathing to change.

Zack had no intention of waking him, rising to a stand from the bed. The movement jolted his already tense bladder, and he winced and lowered a hand over it. Taunt skin, stretched and aching, just begging to be released. With Cloud asleep, Zack knew he could probably slip out for a moment just like he’d said he would, yet he stayed rooted to the spot. Not yet. Cloud would likely sleep a while, which meant he could go back to his original plan for the evening for just a little longer.

He sat on the floor next to the bed with a slight hiss of discomfort, pulling his knees to his chest so they pushed up against his bladder. It throbbed and ached pleadingly at the abuse, just how he liked it. Having Cloud asleep behind him just added to the thrill. In any other circumstance a cute guy asleep on his bed would be a cause for celebration, but not today. However, he would take the win for the sake of fantasy just for a moment.

He rubbed his overfull bladder, hissing through his teeth at the fullness beneath his fingertips. He pushed down just a little, exhaling lengthily and trying to keep quiet as his bladder pounded in protest. He glanced over his shoulder at Cloud, his heart leaping to his throat as he realised Cloud wasn’t actually sleeping. Instead, he was watching Zack with half-narrowed, curious eyes, silently taking in what he’d witnessed.

“Hey Cloud,” Zack said nonchalantly. “I thought you were catching a nap.”

“Not really,” Cloud said lightly. “Just dozing.”

He didn’t say anything. Zack couldn’t bring himself to either, pulling himself up slowly and gesturing to the door. “Well, since you’re lying on a flat surface and all, I can probably leave you for a minute, right?”

“Right.”

Still nothing. Zack wanted to floor to swallow him whole, fleeing the room as fast as he could. Once on his way down the hall to the bathroom, he calmed his racing heart and reasoned with himself. Cloud was curious, sure, but it was unlikely he was going to work things out without at least some hints in the right direction. The rational part of his mind reminded him he most likely had just dropped a few of those, but he ignored it.

Finally releasing hours worth of piss made the risk worth it. Zack moaned in relief, rubbing his bladder to kick-start it a little; it was so overfull it wasn’t able to relax fully, instead leaking slow spurts until he managed a half-stream that prolonged the agony a little longer. He always loved it when that happened, savouring it until his bladder got the message and upped the stream steadily until empty.

Going back in to Cloud would be fine, he told himself as he headed back to his room. He’d just focus on his friend and how he was feeling, and divert the conversation if it came up. Cloud was quite shy sometimes, so it was unlikely he’d be the one to bring it up, right?

Cloud was sitting up on the bed when he entered, tilting his head in question as Zack re-entered. “Better?”

“Mm,” Zack said dismissively. “How are you feeling?”

Cloud smirked, just a little, and shrugged. “Confused. What just happened?”

“Nothing for you to worry about,” Zack said, trying to smooth over and hoping he wasn’t blushing. “Lay back down and get some rest, would you? I don’t want you passing out on me.”

“I’m good.” Cloud stayed sitting, still eyeing Zack curiously, but ultimately he dropped it. Zack mentally sighed in relief. If he wanted to keep his secret he was going to have to be a little more discreet, that was for sure.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change for both Zack and Cloud.

Zack waited patiently outside the training hall he knew Cloud was in, leaning back against the wall deep in thought. It was the day of the first round of written exams for SOLDIER, which was mostly just Shinra stroking their own egos as they made cadets remember facts about the company that had no bearing on their combat abilities. He’d helped Cloud brush up on his studies the last couple of weeks, including the night before in a last minute rush to cram before the exam. Cloud had finally snatched a couple of hours sleep in the early hours of the morning, before Zack had had to wake him to get ready.

He heard the adjudicator call time, watching as the first students began to file out of the room. Cloud came out with the next wave and beckoned to Zack with a harried look on his face, before heading swiftly down the hall.

“Exam went that well, huh?” Zack said with a chuckle as he caught up.

Cloud shook his head quickly. His cheeks were pink and he clearly embarrassed about something, but Zack couldn’t work out what.

“What’s the rush?” He asked instead, hoping gentle prying might work. “Do you have training right away again now? Did they schedule for straight after the exam?”

“No, not that,” Cloud said quickly, heaving a heavy sigh and flushing harder if it was possible. “I- sorry, I just-” He shook his head in disbelief instead of finishing his sentence.

Cloud said nothing more, so Zack just followed him curiously. There was a hopeful part of his brain that quickly developed a fantasy that Cloud was hurrying towards a bathroom, having spent the exam desperately squirming for relief, but he shelved it quickly and told himself to behave.

Cloud stopped short at the end of the corridor outside a non-descript door with a telltale sign on it. Zack almost choked as he realised it was a single room bathroom, and had to tell himself to breathe when Cloud tried the handle and found it locked. He gathered all the now-scattered pieces of his brain together and hoped he didn’t look too flustered. Even if he was, Cloud didn’t notice. He leaned back against the wall next to the door and folded his arms, sighing deeply.

Zack’s heart skipped a beat, still coming to terms with the fact his fantasy was turning out to be true in front of his eyes. He had to say something, anything, while he had the chance to engage Cloud in the subject. “You know you can ask to leave in an exam if you have to pee, right? They just escort you out. I’ve seen people do it.”

“I did.” Cloud paused, keeping his eyes to the floor. “He said no.”

“Seriously? I’ve never seen that happen before.”

“You’d have had no trouble waiting I guess,” Cloud said ruefully, but he didn’t elaborate.

Zack knew he had most definitely clocked that part of the puzzle at least, but needed to know what else he’d managed to work out. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I haven’t forgotten our first meeting.”

The first meeting- Zack inwardly sighed in relief that that was all he was focusing on, especially since he was most likely a walking mess right then. “If you say so,” he said with a shrug, determined to steer the conversation away from himself and back to Cloud. “So how was the exam?”

Cloud eyed the door, tapping one hand against his arm quickly. “Okay. It’s mostly just Shinra history, right? I think I got all the major parts down, so it’s all good.”

“Right,” Zack said with a nod. He hadn’t got any details that he’d actually been aiming for, but at least the heat was off of him. “Just one more written exam and then you can start looking to apply to SOLDIER?”

“Yeah.”

Zack wasn’t surprised Cloud wasn’t in the most talkative mood. He kept looking back at the closed door, now tapping one foot on the floor lightly before crossing that leg over the other. He stayed that way for a moment before uncrossing, tapping one foot again, and then re-crossing it with a frustrated huff that made Zack’s heart quicken.

“That bad, huh?” He said, unable to stop himself. Cloud was obviously trying to keep still, but need was overriding all his senses.

“Mm,” Cloud murmured with a small nod, eyeing the door again.

Zack took a moment to collect himself before rapping on the door sharply, figuring that he had to at least try and be a good friend instead of just watching the scene unfold in front of him. “Hey, you almost done?”

“No,” a croaky voice floated back. “I’m feeling sick. Exam nerves. Sorry man.”

“Want to wait here, or find somewhere else?” Zack asked tentatively.

“My commander is such an asshole,” Cloud muttered irritably but he pushed himself away from the wall and glanced down the hall, apparently working out where else to go. “He was the adjudicator. He was the one who said no.”

“Did you make it clear it was urgent?”

“I made it clear,” Cloud said darkly. “ _Really_ clear. Twice, in fact.”

Before Zack could process that information, a sharp call caught their attention. Zack watched as Cloud snapped instantly into a cadet, standing to attention with a fleeting moment of panic in his eyes, as his commander approached from down the hall.

The man stopped inches from Cloud’s face. Cloud had stopped all movement, completely still and breathing just a little heavier as the commander stared into his eyes; almost as if he was daring him to blink, move- anything. “Cadet Strife,” he said sharply, after what seemed like an eternity.

“Yes Sir?”

“If you even think about asking to leave an exam midway through ever again, I’ll fail you,” the man finally said sharply. He walked slow circles around Cloud, eyeing him like a wolf eyes prey. “And if you dare ask again when the answer was no, I’ll fail you out of the cadets as well. Do you understand me?”

“Hey,” Zack said, his hackles raised and unable to stay silent. “Is it suddenly against the rules to escort people out of exams? First I’ve heard of it.”

“This is none of your business, First Class Fair. Cadet Strife- I didn’t hear an answer.”

“Yes Sir,” Cloud said lowly.

The commander continued walking around Cloud, slowly and methodically, never taking his eyes off of him. Cloud stayed silent and still, but after the third slow circle around him he very slowly shifted one foot over the other at the ankle. Zack knew there was no way he would do that unless he had to, and hoped the commander wouldn’t notice.

Cloud had no such luck. “Is there a problem, Cadet Strife?”

“No Sir,” Cloud said, snapping his foot back immediately.

The commander stopped in front of him, forcing Cloud to meet his gaze. “Are you sure? Not going to piss yourself like a child?”

“No Sir.”

“Didn’t sound that way to me earlier. You were practically begging me to let you out.”

“Cut it out,” Zack said, stepping forward slightly to interject himself into the scene. “This isn’t how a commander should act.”

The unsaid threat hung in the air. The commander looked at Zack, then back at Cloud. “There are no easy rides in my cadets. It’s going to be hard, and you’re going to get used to that. If it’s too much, feel free to cry to First Class Fair about it. I’m sure he can help you pack your bags. Do you understand?”

“I understand, Sir.”

The commander leant in close, right up to Cloud’s face. “Do you? Are you certain? Perhaps we should go for a few sparring rounds, just to be sure.”

Zack commended that Cloud managed to keep a neutral expression at the threat. “I mean it,” he said warningly. “There’s being in charge, and there’s being an asshole for the sake of it.”

In terms of rank they were roughly the same. Commanders of the infantry were people who just picked a different line of work, but it meant Zack wasn’t frightened of him. In turn, it also meant the man didn’t have to answer to Zack’s request either. Regardless he finally stepped back, giving Cloud a final once over.

“You’d better not utter a single word to me in the next exam,” he said pointedly, before finally turning on his heel and heading back down the hall.

“Is there anyone in your squad who isn’t a complete dick?” Zack said irritably, keeping his voice low just in case the commander was listening in as he retreated. “SOLDIER barracks are close by. No use standing around here, right?”

Cloud didn’t move, and actually whimpered much to Zack’s surprise. He’d relaxed as soon as the commander’s back was turned, and was now leant over with his arms wrapped around himself tightly.

“Cloud? Come on, let’s go.”

Cloud had apparently given up any pretence of indifference to his situation, unable to stand still and looking like he wanted to kick the closed door in front of them. “If I move I’m going to pee on this floor,” he said, sounding so horrified that Zack believed him entirely.

Zack grabbed Cloud’s arm, working on autopilot as he pulled him down the hall. He could process everything later; right then Cloud was struggling, and he needed to help him.

Zack pushed open the door to the SOLDIER barracks and stood aside for Cloud to enter. Cloud let Zack lead, but two corridors in he stopped short with a gasp and danced on the spot, crossing and uncrossing his legs tightly, until he cried out and leant over sharply. Both hands darted between his legs, and he shook his head rapidly.

“Cloud?” Zack said, narrowing his eyes in concern. “You good?”

Cloud continued to shake his head, breaths coming in deep gasps. Zack took control of the situation, grabbing Cloud by the arm and practically dragging him down the hall. Cloud cried out, but allowed himself to be led. He was breathing so heavily Zack would have called it hyperventilating more than anything, one arm wrapped around him waist as he stumbled after Zack.

The locker room with showers was closer than the bathroom. Zack kicked the door open and pulled Cloud inside, aware exactly what Cloud’s frantic hyperventilating meant as he pulled him into the showers. If he had any doubts, the visibly damp uniform gave it away.

Cloud fell to his knees the second Zack let go of him, covering his face with his hands as he stayed on the floor of the showers. Zack watched the growing wetness on his uniform and had to take a deep breath himself, his heart beating out of his chest as he attempted to tear his eyes away from the scene in front of him.

Cloud was shaking visibly as he kept his hands over his face, gasping after a moment and unbuckling his belt. He aimed at the shower drain, pissing forcefully while taking deep, heaving breaths and avoiding Zack’s gaze.

“Um,” was all Zack could muster after a few long moments.

Cloud had his eyes closed, obvious relief painted across his face. At Zack’s voice he turned his face away, his cheeks red up to his ears. “Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Zack cut in, hoping he could dispel some of Cloud’s obvious mortification. “Really, don’t worry.”

Cloud’s uniform was drenched, as was the floor beneath him. Zack cast one eye to the shower entrance, hoping no-one decided right then was a good time for a shower. As his racing heart finally began to slow so did Cloud’s stream, and he braced himself for some serious damage control.

“Laundry is right next door,” he said. “I’ll go and grab you a spare uniform and a towel, and-”

Cloud promptly started sobbing, which was exactly what Zack expected.

“Hey,” Zack said, switching the shower on and directing the water in Cloud’s direction. Cloud stayed where he was on the floor, allowing it to drench him further. “It’s all good, see? Now you just look like I dunked you in the shower.”

He stepped under the spray himself, allowing it to soak him from head to toe before he knelt down next to Cloud and sighed heavily. Cloud didn’t look up from his hands, and flinched when Zack put a hand on his shoulder.

“Really, it’s fine,” he soothed. “Cloud, don’t stress it, it’s okay.”

Cloud only cried harder. Zack sighed and sat back on his knees; it was time to bring out the big guns.

“So, I had this mission with Sephiroth once, last year. We got separated from our group, and we had to hide in the brush for ages. I had to pee _so bad_ , and I couldn’t sit still. Sephiroth noticed, and he said he’d guard for me as soon as we were safe to leave.”

Cloud looked up from his hands, eyes narrowed curiously. Zack took that as a good thing and continued.

“We were in hiding forever, and my bladder just gave out on me. So here’s me, hopelessly wetting myself in front of Sephiroth and actually trying not to cry, and he was a total champ about it. As soon as we were able to move, he led me to a river he’d spotted nearby and had us both jump in. When we reunited with the rest of the squad, he said we’d had to flee through a river to safety. He’s never told anyone either.”

He grabbed Cloud and hugged him tightly, not giving him a chance to answer, feeling his cheeks burn at both the memory and what he was planning to say next. “Look, you probably have an idea of this already, but I play hold it for fun. It’s totally weird, but I just go with it. After that incident I stopped doing it on missions, but just around the barracks or whatever is fair game. So, really, don’t sweat it. It’s honestly not a big deal to me.”

Cloud pulled away, shaking his head sadly. “You might not care, but I do,” he finally said, his voice low and trembling.

“Hey, it’s not your fault, right? Look on the bright side- at least you managed to hold out through the exam.”

Cloud visibly cringed at that. “I’m not sure how.”

“I’m pretty sure there’s no rule that says you’re _not_ allowed to piss on your commander’s shoes,” Zack said, trying to lighten the mood. “You know, for next time.”

“Next time?” Cloud looked up at him with horror in his tear filled eyes. “There isn’t going to be a next time.”

“Because you’re going to pee before going into the next exam, right?”

“No,” Cloud said shortly. “Because I’m going to die first from embarrassment if I don’t get out of this uniform.”

Zack laughed lightly and stood up, indicating the door. “I’ll go get us some clothes and a couple of towels. Get undressed so I can take your clothes to-”

“No!” Cloud stared at him, eyes wide. “You’re not touching the- I mean, _no_!”

“Relax,” Zack said with a casual shrug. “You think I have this kind of kink and haven’t dealt with piss before? Just get out of those clothes and let me handle it.”

Cloud glared at him- though it was marred by his red eyes- but slowly began to peel the soaking uniform from his body. It soon lay on the floor, kicked to the side angrily by Cloud as he turned to the spray of the shower and away from Zack. Zack grabbed it, rinsed it out a little for good measure, and headed off to laundry. Two fresh uniforms and two large towels later, he slipped back into the showers and quickly scrubbed himself down as well. He was wet already- might as well make it official.

When they were both clad in large towels, Zack took the uniforms and Cloud back to his room. When they were safely inside with the door locked, he sat on the edge of his bed and patted the cover next to him. Cloud slowly, very slowly, padded across the room and sat gingerly next to him. His wet hair dripped onto his shoulders as he looked down at the floor, cheeks still tinged pink and eyes downcast.

“So,” Zack said after a few long moments. “Does it help you any to know that there were some moments there that were _really_ hot?”

Cloud gasped in surprise and looked up at Zack, finally scowling at him and shoving him gently. “If you tell _anyone_ about this-”

“My lips are sealed,” Zack cut in. “Don’t worry. Besides, I told you my humiliating experience, didn’t I?”

“True.” Cloud exhaled sharply and looked back down at the floor. “But, I’m a little confused. You said you... You know.” He gestured wildly with his hands. “Wait on purpose. How was it... anything, if it was me? And that was the complete opposite of waiting, right?”

Zack could feel Cloud’s utter humiliation, both in his words and his body language as he spoke. As embarrassed as he was answering Cloud’s questions, he would do it as lightly as possible to lift the mood. “The desperation is the best part for me, but I’m not exactly upset if it goes wrong. Does that make sense?”

“None of this makes sense.”

“Fair point. As for your other question- it works on other people if I find them cute.” He gave Cloud an exaggerated wink and his best smile. Cloud simply stared back at him, blinking a couple of times in confusion. “I like girls too!” he continued, even though there was no judgement in Cloud’s eyes. “And I’m sorry if it weirds you out that I find you easy on the eyes.”

Cloud finally dropped his gaze back to the floor with an easy shrug. “I don’t care.”

“That I think you’re cute?”

“About your sexuality. Whether you think I’m _cute_ or not is none of my business.”

Zack laughed at that, giving Cloud a friendly pat on the shoulder. Cloud gave him a weak smile back, which sated Zack enough to relax a little. Perhaps things would be okay after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A much needed chat helps things slide into place.

As a First Class, Zack was used to leading missions. When the brief for a weekend mission to Junon landed in his lap he didn’t think much of it, until he realised it called for taking three infantry cadets with him. There was no rule that said he couldn’t pick who he took, and he planned to take full advantage of that. Cloud had been a little distant and cagey, presumably still mortified about his accident, but Zack wasn’t going to let it slide anymore.

“Pick two people in your unit who aren’t assholes to you,” he said, sidling up to Cloud in the cafeteria. Cloud promptly jumped about six foot in the air, because he’d been deep in thought and not expecting to be interrupted.

“What?” Was all he managed to say as he came back down from the ceiling.

“Two people. There must be at least a couple of people who treat you alright.”

“I guess. Why?”

“Junon,” Zack said with a beam. “We’re going on a mission.”

“Wait- as in, both of us? Together?”

“You bet!” Zack slapped him on the shoulder and left him to his thoughts, and therefore giving him no chance to make up excuses or reasons why he should skip out.

And so, that was how they ended up waiting for a helicopter at ridiculous-o-clock in the morning together, with two cadets Cloud had indicated didn’t actively attempt to antagonise him. They were also good friends with each other, which meant they talked amongst themselves and didn’t bother Cloud or Zack with small talk. That suited Zack just perfectly.

“Right,” he said as he scanned the sky for the helicopter, giving Cloud the option not to make eye contact for what he knew would be an embarrassing conversation. “You’ve been avoiding me. We both know why.”

“No I haven’t.”

“Don’t even try that, it’s not going to work. Spill it. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Cloud huffed and crossed his arms, trying to look indifferent but the blush on his cheeks gave him away. “Can we not do this right now?”

“Sorry, no can do. I don’t want this hanging over our heads all weekend.”

“What are you expecting me to say?”

“Well...” Zack turned to him, lowering his voice. “Do I get the details of what happened in the exam hall _before_ I met up with you?”

Cloud stared at him, his eyes wide in shock, before he shoved Zack lightly. “Oh my god. Stop talking! Stop- just, oh my _god-_ ”

“Too soon?” Zack didn’t back down, chuckling to himself as Cloud awkwardly looked around at anything except him. “Maybe another time?”

“ _No_!”

“Have you got the message that I’m not judging what happened at all?” Zack leaned in a little closer, forcing Cloud to meet his eye. “And not only do I not care, I _liked_ it?”

“I know!” Cloud broke the eye contact, fiddling with one spike of his hair. “That’s the _point_.”

Zack stepped back, contemplating that for a moment. “So, let me get this straight. You don’t mind that you wet yourself in front of me-”

“Yes, I really, really _do_ mind that, actually-”

“-But your biggest problem is that I liked it, and I like _you_?”

Cloud didn’t reply right away. Zack let him work it out, keeping his eyes on the sky.

“I’m not used to the idea,” he finally said. “Of someone liking me like that.”

Zack blinked a few times in confusion. “You have seen yourself in a mirror, right?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re attractive, Cloud. Like, _really_ attractive. I’m surprised people aren’t knocking down your door day and night.”

He could see the change in Cloud’s demeanour. He went from awkward to tetchy immediately, glaring at Zack. “Why would they?”

Zack let it go. “Well, I can tell you, I liked you the moment I saw you. The whole pissing yourself in front of me thing was just the icing on the cake.”

“Can you _not_?” Cloud covered his red face with his hands, looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him.

“It’s okay, I prefer the desperation part, remember? Not that I’m expecting you to do that just for me or anything, that would be weird if it made you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t,” Cloud said with a small shrug. “I mean, if we’re together and I just... You know. I’m not going to be mad if you enjoy that or anything.”

“Mm, I’m not really understanding you with all this beating around the bush,” Zack teased. “If you pee yourself again, I can enjoy that? That’s what you mean?”

Cloud looked about two moments away from flinging himself off a cliff. “If I _need_ to go, I mean. You can... Enjoy it. Whatever. Can we stop now?”

Zack figured he’d tortured him enough and allowed it, chuckling to himself and checking in with the other cadets. The helicopter was due anytime, and didn’t disappoint by showing up not long after.

“Zack?” Cloud said as they were moments away from stepping on board. “You should know. I get motion sick, when I travel.”

“No biggie. You’re not the first and won’t be the last.”

“My commander hates it,” Cloud said almost sadly. “Says it’s a pain in the ass.”

“Your commander is a pain in the ass. Ignore him.”

Zack briefed them on their mission on the way, which was to supervise the town parade the following day. As a military town Junon often got threats, and even though it was crawling with military personal they liked to send a specialist in to show they were taking things seriously occasionally. That was where Zack came in- the cadets were mostly there just to watch, and experience Junon’s atmosphere.

It also meant once they arrived they had a free day, so Zack sent the other two cadets on their way and dragged Cloud for lunch. After, he took the afternoon to give Cloud a tour of the town, indicating all the best shops for equipment and the cheapest souvenir places in case he had a pressing need to own miniature figurines of Shinra troops.

By late afternoon they were watching the aircraft quietly- too quietly, for Zack’s liking. About an hour earlier Cloud had started to detach from the conversation, retreating into himself. He had his knees to his chest, arms wrapped round them as he watched the sky sullenly. They were sitting on an embankment out of the way of the main town, having exhausted the tour shortly before.

“What’s up?” Zack asked gently. “You’ve gone all silent on me.”

Cloud stammered for a moment, telltale pink on his cheeks. He blushed _so_ easily- that fair, freckled skin did him no favours when he wanted to hide something. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Zack gave him one last chance to volunteer the information before he started digging for it.

“Mm. Just tired.”

It was a good excuse- they’d been up at three am. Zack still didn’t fully believe it though. “We can’t check in to the hotel until eight tonight. Sorry, buddy. Gonna have to manage a little longer. We can grab a coffee instead? There’s a neat little coffee shop here- it’s tucked down a back alley so you’d never know it was there.”

Cloud shook his head but Zack led them anyway, watching Cloud out of the corner of his eye. He seemed okay enough, but something was definitely a little off. He had a suspicion he knew what, which was confirmed once they were inside the tiny coffee shop. It had a serving counter and a wall displaying coffee beans in jars, and one small table and chairs in the corner. He watched as Cloud’s eyes flicked around the room in search of something. Zack smirked to himself.

Cloud, for whatever reason, was staying quiet despite clearly looking for a bathroom. Well- Zack reasoned, it probably wasn’t exactly clear unless you were looking for it, and had suspicions on what was causing Cloud’s quietness, and also happened to have a kink that could spot subtle signs of need from a mile away, but that wasn’t important.

Cloud leaned back against the counter while the barista mixed Zack’s elaborate, sugar filled latte. Arms folded defensively across his chest, eyes closed- he definitely did _not_ want to talk, then. Too bad. Zack wasn’t planning on staying silent.

“You know, I’m not your superior unless we’re actively on mission,” he said quietly, so the barista couldn’t hear. The sound of the machine frothing milk was noisy enough anyway.

He gained a confused look in return. “I know. Thanks?”

The barista finished with the machine, and the room was too quiet again. “Hey, can you make that two of those? Sorry man,” Zack called.

“No problem,” the barista replied, grabbing another cup and getting to work on it. The noisy machine filling the air once more, Zack lowered his voice and leaned in again.

“You don’t have to ask me permission to go and find a bathroom.”

Cloud blinked a couple of times before frowning. “I’m good.”

Zack smirked at that- sweet summer child, Cloud had no idea how trained his eye was. “Mmhmm. Sure.”

The barista gave Cloud the second latte without asking if it was his. A reasonable assumption, and one that Zack wasn’t going to challenge.

“I’m not drinking this,” Cloud said as he sniffed the drink suspiciously once they were outside the shop. “There’s probably a truckload of sugar in it.”

“That’s the entire point,” Zack said with a dismissive shrug. “Just try it.”

Cloud did try it, though Zack was unsure how much he drank before threw it into a trash can. He savoured his own, looking up at the sky. They had a while before they could head to the hotel, which gave him plenty of time to work on Cloud.

He was leading, with Cloud following. He took them back to the embankment they’d been at before, putting his cup down before throwing himself down onto the grass and sighing contentedly. Cloud settled next to him, turning his eyes back to the sky. Avoidant still, then.

Zack grabbed his coffee and sipped it slowly, just watching. Cloud pretended not to notice, apparently remarkably interested in aircraft all of a sudden.

“What happens now?” Cloud said quietly, after they’d been watching the aircraft in silence for a while. “What do I do now? What do _you_ do now?”

“Don’t over-think it,” Zack said, though he wasn’t quite sure if he was saying it more for himself or not. “Just do whatever you’d do normally. Pretend like it was before. Just- whatever works for you. Just do that.”

Cloud narrowed his eyes curiously at the tone in Zack’s voice. “You okay?”

Zack didn’t meet his eye, feeling awkward. “Look, I know I’ve been really forward with you, but honestly I’m kind of scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That you’ll back away from me.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Zack exhaled wearily, wrapping his arms around his knees as he brought them to his chest. “I told you my biggest secret _and_ came out to you all in one day. It’s a lot. I wouldn’t blame you if you backed off after that.”

“It’s none of my business what gets you going, and you like guys too- so what? Is that really a big deal to anyone these days?”

“You’d be surprised,” Zack said darkly. “That’s the other thing I didn’t tell you that day we asked each other questions. I made a flirty comment while drunk about a guy, and by morning everyone in my squad knew. Not everyone was cool about it, until my commander stepped in.”

“That sucks.”

“It did. It’s okay now though.”

Cloud watched him, cheeks still a little red as he refused to meet his eye. “I guess I’m struggling to work out where I fit into things. You like what you like, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“Look, if it’s a problem I can scrub my brain clean around you or whatever.”

“No, it’s not that.”

“So what’s the issue?”

Cloud took a moment to answer, and was quiet when he finally did. “I mean me. You like _me_.”

“Well, yeah, I thought I made that pretty clear. When I met you I thought you were a cute guy I might see around the barracks occasionally. Then you started stalking me-”

“Really? Do you have to call it that?”

Zack held a hand up to silence him “-and the rest is history. I like you for _you_ as well, not just because you happened to stumble headfirst into a kink of mine in case you’re wondering. I’ve said before- that’s just a bonus.”

“I believe you.” Cloud met his eye and nodded firmly. “That’s the thing, though. No-one else has ever shown any interest in me. Even when I a kid I didn’t really have friends.”

“Where are you from?”

“Nibelheim.”

Zack’s ears pricked up. “You’re from the Western Continent too? I’m from Gongaga. Small little town, no-one had ever heard of it until Shinra built a reactor there. Things weren’t great growing up?”

“Not really.”

He clearly wasn’t going to elaborate, so Zack let it slide by unchecked. “Just because they didn’t see what I see in you doesn’t mean it isn’t there.”

Cloud looked uncomfortable at the compliment, not meeting Zack’s eye. “Thank you.”

“So what you’re saying is, you’re self conscious about me finding you attractive? That’s adorable.”

“Stop that,” Cloud said irritably. “I just don’t know how to deal with seeing you look at me like that, that’s all.”

They lapsed into silence, taking in the sounds of aircraft and the distant bustle of the nearby town together. Zack pretended to watch the sky, but watched Cloud out of the corner of his eye. Cloud pretended not to notice. They stayed that way for a while, until Cloud finally broke the silence.

“I think I might enjoy the idea of riling you up.”

Zack shrugged neutrally. “Is that good or bad?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should tell me that.”

“I don’t care. Do _you_ care?”

Cloud looked forward, pulling his knees up to his chest. “I don’t know what it means.”

“Does it have to mean anything? I like the thing, you like doing the thing, everyone wins- right?”

“But isn’t it-” Cloud paused, shaking his head. “We’re not dating.”

“So? You want to?”

He was met with silence, which he hadn’t expected. He’d expected Cloud to politely refuse, maybe roll his eyes, but instead the air became more awkward than before.

“You can answer honestly,” he said softly. “My ego can take it.”

“I haven’t thought about anything like that,” Cloud said finally. “I’m just trying to work out what all this means.”

Zack waved him off with one hand. “Look, it’s not that deep, okay? You can tease me for having a weird kink- I kind of expected that when I told you. I’m not expecting you to marry me or anything over it.”

“Right.” Cloud looked more relaxed, and less like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. “In that case, can we go? If I don’t pee soon I’m actually going to die.”

Zack’s breathe caught in this throat. “Um- yeah. Sure.”

Cloud laughed cheerfully at that, much happier as he pulled himself to his feet. “You should see the look on your face. Oh man. This is going to be so much fun.”

Zack groaned and stood up, glaring at Cloud as he collected his thoughts. “You’re going to kill me, you know that?”

Cloud tilted one head to the side, one hand on his hip as he regarded Zack with a satisfied smile. “No, that’ll be when I fill you in on what happened during the exam.”

“Really? You mean it?”

Cloud swatted at him with one hand as they headed back into the town. “Down boy. Another time.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the slow burn to crank it up a notch! Just a little though, else it wouldn't be slow ;)

Junon had been insightful for Zack, and not because they’d spent time babying General Heidegger’s ego while patrolling the parade trying to look important. Maybe the cadets had gained something from that exercise in futility, but he hadn’t. However, it had let him spend some time with Cloud in a professional environment, and the outcome worried him a little.

Cloud was always going to have to work a little harder than others to get into SOLDIER. He was shorter than average and more lean than the upper commanders would like to see, but both of those could be twisted to an advantage. What worried Zack was his overall demeanour; he knew he’d been having trouble with his squad, but Zack hadn’t worked out why until then.

He’d addressed Heidegger once, when called on to answer a question. Zack had watched as he shrunk in the shadow of the general, and answered in a soft-spoken voice that Zack could barely believe belonged to him. He looked so very much like a child way out of his depth; a fish in the sea, surrounded by sharks.

“Why did you join Shinra?” He’d asked after the parade.

Cloud had looked cagey, but ultimately answered- shyly- with the truth. “I saw Sephiroth in the newspaper and wanted to be just like him. Why?”

Zack had told him he was just curious, the last piece of the jigsaw slotting into place. His squad could smell blood and had gone for the kill the moment they’d realised he was coasting on hero worship more than any actual desire to see combat.

They’d gone down to the main library to pick up Cloud’s results together that day and then headed back to Zack’s room. Cloud had put the envelope to one side and promptly ignored its existence instead of opening it, choosing to lie down on Zack’s bed instead. Zack gave it a few minutes, curiosity eating him alive, before he poked Cloud’s shoulder to get his attention.

“You nervous about the results, buddy?”

Cloud was facing the wall on his side, so Zack couldn’t read his eyes. He poked again until Cloud finally, slowly, turned and laid with his head tucked up against Zack’s leg. Zack froze at the movement, forcing himself to relax. Cloud had been getting very liberal with his touches lately. For someone who said no to the idea of dating he was certainly getting very comfortable in Zack’s personal space.

“Yeah,” Cloud finally said, his voice muffled by the fabric of Zack’s uniform.

“Want me to open it for you?”

Cloud nodded, keeping his face buried. Zack reached over and grabbed the envelope, opening it hastily. He studied the contents for a moment before laughing lightly, putting a hand on Cloud’s shoulder.

“84%, Cloud. The pass grade was 75%. Congratulations, that’s-”

Cloud jumped up and snatched the paper from his hands, staring at it with wide eyes. He looked stunned, then pleased, then like he might actually cry for a moment, before slipping back to stunned.

“I thought-” He stopped, then shook his head. “My commander. I thought he might do something to my results to make me fail.”

“All the papers are graded anonymously,” Zack told him, giving him a beaming smile. “I’m so proud of you, buddy!”

He grabbed Cloud in a tight hug, taking in the scent of coconut from his soft hair as Cloud leant into his chest with a sigh of relief. A certain cadet was going to get himself kissed if Zack allowed the touch to continue, so he let go quickly and smiled at Cloud again. He surprised himself with how quickly his crush had developed into something more. Cloud was something special, even if he himself struggled to see it.

“Hey, Zack?” Cloud was suddenly nervous, unable to meet Zack’s eye. “Do people ever fail the SOLDIER entry process?”

Zack knew the truth was the only option, even if Cloud asked him what he suspected he was going to. “They do. Haven’t they prepped you guys for the possibility?”

“They mentioned it, but I wanted to ask you in case it was a bluff to make people work hard.”

“It’s more than just the exams,” Zack said with a shake of his head. “They do physical and mental tests too. A lot of people make Third Class and drop out as well. Are you worried about it?”

“A little.” Cloud glanced at Zack before looking away again. “Do you- I-”

“Do I think you’ll pass?” Zack said, rescuing him with a sympathetic smile. Cloud nodded a little, a slight blush across his fair cheeks. “Look, I’ll be honest. You’re a little shorter than they’d like and you could do with putting on some muscle, but you’re agile. You make up for both of those in speed. I’ve seen you spar- the only reason those guys get hits on you is because you’re afraid of what they’ll do if you don’t let them.”

“What they _have_ done if I don’t let them,” Cloud murmured quietly.

Zack frowned at that, deciding he wasn’t going to let that scrap of information go. “What do you-”

“Don’t.”

“Cloud,” Zack said warningly. “What’s been going on?”

“Nothing new and nothing interesting. You didn’t answer my question.”

Zack let the moment go- for now- and thought about how to answer what Cloud had asked, finally smiling and putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Hang in there,” he said finally. “I think you have a chance, but I’m not the one grading you.”

“I know.” Cloud sighed again, looking melancholy. “I guess I shouldn’t jump ahead so much anyway. There’s still one more exam to go yet.”

“If you can manage 84% while trying not to piss yourself then the second exam will be easy,” Zack said teasingly. Cloud blushed, which was expected, but he didn’t break eye contact. Instead he gave Zack a coy smile.

“Do you have any idea how inconvenient this whole thing is?” He said lightly. “Every time I have to pee I think about you now.”

“Are you calling me invading your brain _inconvenient_ now?”

“Yes!” Cloud said, lying back on Zack’s bed with a heavy sigh. Zack hesitated for a moment before lying down next to him. “I can be trying to train or sleep or something and there you’ll be, making depraved comments in my head.”

“When trying to sleep?” Zack propped himself up on his elbows, looking down at Cloud and smirking a little. “Most people would just get up and pee, wouldn’t they? I wonder why you wouldn’t. Maybe you should enlighten me?”

Cloud sighed deeply, rolling his eyes. “See? Comments like that.”

“You walked right into that one. Sorry dude. Besides, that does sound like something you should tell me about sometime.”

“You’re not sorry.” Cloud shoved him, causing Zack to lose his balance a little and collapse back down next to Cloud with a put-upon sigh. “You’re filing that away somewhere in your mind.”

“Yeah,” Zack said, nuzzling against Cloud’s neck lightly. “Forgive me?”

Cloud didn’t move, stone still until Zack pulled away. “Fine. I forgive you.”

They stayed quiet, not quite touching but close enough to feel each other’s body heat. Zack contemplated whether to move, speak or even breathe as he took the moment to just enjoy the closeness. Sweet Cloud deserved so much more than he gave himself, and it was hard for Zack to watch the way he lacked any kind of confidence in anything.

He was firmly in the ‘I want to yell about this from the rooftops’ stage of his crush, but Cloud was still retreating into himself every time they got close. Just when Zack thought perhaps there was no hope Cloud would do something out of the blue, bringing Zack crashing back into reality that there really _was_ something going on under the surface for Cloud too. It might be a small thing like a snatched moment of touch, or much more obvious like the way he was gazing into Zack’s eyes right then, but it was so clearly _there_.

Still, Zack wasn’t going to push it too much. Cloud needed to work through whatever was going on in his head, and Zack would continue to enjoy his company until he finally did so.

“I’m being deployed on a mission on Friday,” Cloud finally said quietly, breaking the moment.

He sounded casual, but Zack could sense the worry underneath the surface. “Is it your first away from Midgar since enrolling?”

“Mm. I guess I’m worried who they’ll send with me. My commander doesn’t care what happens to me either and he’ll be in charge.”

“He can’t endanger his own cadets on a mission, Cloud. He’s an asshole, sure, but he can’t step out of line in a way that might make Shinra look bad.”

“Maybe. I guess we’ll see.”

“Hey,” Zack said, giving him his best smile. “If anything happens you know I’ll go kick some asses, right?”

“It’s fine,” Cloud said irritably, waving a hand at him. “You don’t have to swoop in and save me. I can handle myself.”

“Isn’t that the benefit of having a friend in First Class? Having a bodyguard?”

“You think too highly of yourself,” Cloud said with a soft smile, melting Zack into silence.

The moment was tense. Zack moved up onto his elbows again, looking down at Cloud. Cloud looked back curiously, mouth open slightly in such a kissable way that it drove Zack mad.

“One of these days I’m going to kiss you,” he warned, which was about as forward as he felt he could be without overstepping into territory that might make Cloud uncomfortable.

“I definitely don’t need a First Class boyfriend,” Cloud said after a moment. “Then I’ll never shake the damsel in distress talk.”

“Is that what they say about you?”

Cloud cringed a little, but nodded. “None of them think I can stand my ground. You’ve seen what happens when we spar. My commander doesn’t give a shit if they just spend the whole time attacking me.”

“What happens if you retaliate?”

“Then they just find me alone somewhere.”

Zack didn’t like the tone in Cloud’s voice. The day Cloud had met him in the most out of the way location possible suddenly made sense. “And that’s where most of those bruises on you come from, right?” Cloud nervously looked away, shrugging instead of answering, but it was all the confirmation Zack needed. “Does your commander know?”

“He told me to toughen up and beat them back.”

Zack wasn’t surprised, but he was definitely disappointed in Cloud’s commander right then. “Well, my offer stands. If you ever want any of them to accidentally fall over onto my fist, just say the word. You could give me your PHS number finally and if I’m free I’ll come find you.”

“I haven’t been given one yet.”

“Wait, what?” The small device that allowed communication between people was a standard issue when a person joined the cadets. Zack had just thought Cloud was shy about sharing his number- or, more likely, that he knew Zack would spam him multiple times a day with nonsense when he was bored if he did. “Just you, or your whole squad, or...?”

“Just me.”

“Right. I’ll get you one.”

“You don’t have to.”

“You should have one anyway.”

Cloud sighed, looking unimpressed. “Fine.” He finally sat up, nudging Zack so he could get off the bed. “I probably need to get back over to my barracks for dinner.”

Zack waved him off and headed straight to the SOLDIER gym for some exercise, beating his feelings into a punching bag instead of into a particular commander’s face. He would respect Cloud when he said he didn’t want interference, but the second he turned up with any kind of new injury he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to keep his cool anymore.

By the time it was night he was thoroughly exhausted, slipping into bed after a shower gratefully. His mind was empty and ready to surrender to sleep, all his thoughts left back in the gym on the punching bag.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's having Big Feelings about things. Minor omorashi mention this chapter, as a setup for the next.

Stranded in the middle of no-where, with two teammates who would happily let him die rather than watch his back, was not exactly high on the list of things Cloud wanted to be doing; yet he was, with all the professionalism expected of him. He could dutifully ignore all the snide remarks from his teammates- it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it- but when the conversation turned to Zack, he felt his hackles rise.

“So come on,” one of his squad mates said, circling around Cloud like a wolf to prey. Cloud was sitting down, back against a large rock formation, and not in any hurry to move. It wasn’t like he had a height difference over his tormentor anyway. “First Class Zack Fair. Who is he to you?”

“A friend,” Cloud said shortly.

“You don’t _have_ friends, Princess.”

The nickname he’d ended up with over time didn’t hurt- though it embarrassed him enough that he’d kept it from Zack- but the rest stung more than he liked. “Well, apparently I do.”

The other man laughed, clearly deeply amused, before finally turning his back on Cloud and ignoring him in favour of talking to the other infantry soldier in their platoon. Cloud glared at his back, pulling his knees closer to his chest and smarting from the words. He didn’t know why Zack stuck around either, but he appreciated that he did. He’d come to spend a lot of time with him, and it had made the alienation from his teammates just a little easier to bear.

Their commander had ditched them after dumping them in the middle of the desert surrounding Cosmo Canyon, citing some flimsy excuse to leave with the helicopter. He’d been quite explicit that they should ‘play nicely’, but all Cloud heard were alarms in his mind and the resolve to keep his wits about him at all times. They’d fought back the monsters threatening the canyon easily enough, leaving them with no route home. They’d called in a request to be picked up, and were waiting for a reply.

It couldn’t come soon enough for Cloud. Nothing had happened to him- yet- but he was feeling exhausted just from being on high alert all day, and with Nibelheim just over the mountains he was feeling just a touch homesick. His mother would happily accept him home if he quit the military, but how would he face her? He’d told Tifa, his neighbour, that he’d come back as a SOLDIER. Every boy had told her the same when they left for the military, but he actually _meant_ it. Even though the crush he had on her didn’t feel quite so important anymore, he still couldn’t face her if he showed up as a failure.

Maybe his mother could help him straighten his mind out regarding one Zack Fair, if he did somehow end up on her doorstep. He shook his head at his thoughts, cringing inwardly. Or not. The idea of talking about things like romance and crushes with his mother of all people was completely off the cards, no matter how homesick he was feeling. He had to deal with it alone, because he’d rather die than actually say anything to Zack.

Cloud often wondered about everything to do with Zack. The way they danced around each other told him that they weren’t an item, but the way Zack spoke- and looked at him- sometimes told him they might have wordlessly slipped over a boundary, and he’d somehow not noticed. He’d never been someone’s anything before; never kissed another person, never hugged someone other than his mother, before Zack had come along. He had no reference for what was normal between friends, lovers, and everything in between. He hadn’t even realised he was nursing a sizable crush until quite recently, when the notion had smacked him square in the face in the middle of training. _Oh_ , he’d thought dimly. _I think I like him._

He did like him, he’d discovered when he had the chance to sit down and think about it. He liked him very much.

He’d said he didn’t know what he wanted when they’d talked on the Junon mission, and it was true. A lot of the time he barely knew if he was going to make it through the day without winding up in medical (which happened more frequently than he let on), let alone anything deeper. Most of his thoughts on the matter were ‘is Zack actually serious’ and ‘one day he’s going to realise he’s spending most of his free time with Shinra’s resident loser and then he’ll be gone.’ The thought made him so sad, but he weathered it as fact and simply waited for the moment. Zack might say he had a crush and he might even kiss him once to see if he felt something, but it wasn’t like it was going to _mean_ anything.

He shook the thoughts from his mind before he did something stupid like cry in front of his teammates, ears picking up the sound of his teammate’s PHS ringing. He took the call, nodding a few times as he answered questions, before handing up.

He turned to Cloud, giving him a fake smile. “Looks like you’re getting rescued, Princess!”

Cloud gave him a steely glare before turning his attention to the sky, ignoring the obvious taunt. “How long?”

“Who the fuck knows?”

“I would hope you, since you were just briefed.”

If looks could kill, Cloud would be six feet under. “Soon. That was the pilot. They’re almost here.”

Cloud kept his eyes to the sky, hearing faint rotary sounds in the distance. He stayed where he was, shielding his eyes from the wind as the helicopter landed nearby. Once it was on the ground he pulled himself to his feet, watching in surprise as Zack Fair of all people jumped out onto the arid soil.

“Hi there! Looks like your commander’s in a ton of trouble. He shouldn’t-”

Cloud gave him a small wave as Zack realised who was in front of him. “First Class Fair. It’s good to see you.”

To his credit, Zack recovered quickly. “Cadet Strife. It’s good to see you too. I’m here to debrief you guys and get you back to Midgar. Hop in.”

Cloud let his teammates board the helicopter ahead of him, allowing Zack a moment to chat without them listening. “How did you manage to swing this, then?”

Zack gave him a high five, beaming from ear to ear. “I remember you saying you had a mission, and your commander sounds like the type of guy to ditch his cadets in the middle of a wasteland. When the call went out to collect you guys I jumped on it, hoping maybe it would be you.”

“But you didn’t know it was?”

“No. They didn’t give us your names.”

Cloud stared at him a moment, trying not to feel too overwhelmed. The idea that Zack would give up his day to fly to the other continent, just in the hope of seeing Cloud, made his heart flutter in a way he’d never experienced before.

“Yo, Cloud, what’s up? You’re spacing out on me. Everything okay?”

“Better now you’re here,” Cloud said truthfully, burying the feeling immediately. “Those two assholes aren’t much of a team.”

“I’m sure they’ll behave themselves now I’m here as their superior. Come on, let’s go. How long have you guys been stranded?”

“Long enough,” Cloud muttered as they headed to the helicopter. And it really was- he had no plans to say anything to Zack right then, but deserts tended not to have bathrooms and it was becoming an issue. But they were on a mission, together now Zack was involved, and that knowledge kept his lips sealed. “They didn’t do anything to me either, before you ask.”

“I wasn’t going to. I get it, you have a complex about being rescued.”

Zack _got him_. That was what made the whole thing so complicated in his mind. Zack actually understood him, unlike pretty much everyone else he’d ever known. Even his own mother struggled to understand him sometimes.

Zack stepped up into the helicopter and held a hand out to Cloud. Cloud took it, stepping up too and sitting the opposite side to his teammates. Zack sat next to him and took the task of debriefing them. Cloud didn’t hear a word of it, looking out of the window trying to quell his motion sickness while eyeing Nibelheim in the distance.

His teammate speaking snapped him back to attention. “Strife doesn’t look too well, does he? You know he gets motion sick?”

“I do know,” Zack said curtly. “And so what if he does?”

“The only people that get sick when they travel are little kids and pussies.”

Cloud glanced over, a little surprised at how bold his teammate was being, and just a touch worried that Zack might break the guy’s face for it.

Zack took a moment to process the mockery, clearly working out what to say and how to say it in a way that remained professional. “Surely you’re not suggesting that something that Cadet Strife can’t help is something worthy of ridicule?”

The other cadet simply laughed, but he did say quiet and let Zack finish his debrief. When he was done, he lightly tapped Cloud on the shoulder. Cloud, who had been looking down at the floor in his effort to avoid looking out of the window, glanced up at him.

“You hanging in there, buddy?”

Cloud gave him a small nod. “Mm. Thanks.”

In such close quarters, they couldn’t hold any kind of private conversation. Cloud simply kept quiet, aware of the tiny sidelong glances Zack sent in his direction occasionally. Worry, painted right across his face, mixed with a tiny bit of something else unreadable. Cloud observed, as he often did, to work out what it was.

As Zack swept his eyes over him one more time, it clicked it place. Zack was checking him out in his uniform. Cloud had to fight not to laugh at how absurd the thought was. His standard issue Shinra uniform was a little too big on his slender frame, clearly made for people that were not him. People like Zack, a good six inches taller than he with an incredible body, who filled out his own First Class uniform in all the right places. He’d seen Zack’s sword in his room, but this was only the second time he’d seen it at his side. He hadn’t needed to use it at Junon and certainly didn’t need it now, but Cloud found himself wondering how Zack would look in action. Hot and sweaty, cutting down monsters with little effort as he handled that huge sword like it weighed nothing. Cloud pushed the idea out of his mind quickly.

Zack’s PHS ringing interrupted the silence. He didn’t seem to be too concerned as he took the call, throwing his PHS in the air a couple of times and catching it after he hung up.

“Looks like your commander’s about to get reamed for sending you three out without him. What did he tell you before you left?”

“Not to die,” one of the other cadets said with a shrug. “He said he had something more important to do, that it wasn’t a hard mission, and we’d cope just fine by ourselves.”

“He also said to just let me die if I panicked the sight of monsters,” Cloud said. It was Zack- he could trust Zack with the truth.

“I guess there’s always next time,” his teammate said, a saccharine smile on his face.

“And does your superior always talk about his cadets like that?”

The venom in Zack’s voice could have killed. The other man looked flustered, so the other cadet spoke up for the first time. “Look, just because you decided to adopt the runt of the litter doesn’t mean we _all_ have to give a shit about him.”

Zack sat back in his chair, folding his arms as he did so. Cloud tried to shrink back into the chair, not liking the turn of the conversation. “You’re never going to make it into SOLDIER if you don’t trust and respect your teammates.”

“I don’t want to make SOLDIER,” the cadet said with a dismissive shrug. “I’m happy just doing my job in the infantry, getting paid, and going out on the town to pick up girls who like a man in uniform.”

“Most people generally aspire to do better.”

“They do. So why do you lower yourself to him?”

The cadet nodded at Cloud, who refused to look up from the floor. Zack stayed still, and Cloud could see him clenching and unclenching his fists slowly. He was clearly weighing up what to say and how to say it, before exhaling lengthily and shaking his head.

“Money and girls, eh? You could get that in other places. Why the army?”

“It pays well and girls love military dick, even if it’s not attached to a SOLDIER. Would _you_ know anything about girls, First Class Fair?”

Zack leaned forward, eyes narrowed dangerously. “Watch your tone, cadet.”

He sat back in his seat, turning his attention to the window to signal that he’d made his point. Cloud swallowed against his suddenly dry throat, wanting to dispel the atmosphere left in the air but not knowing how to.

“Hey,” Zack said after a few moments, turning to Cloud. “After we get back, how about we chill out together? Sounds like you’ve had a rough day, having to hang out with these assholes over here.”

Cloud allowed the tiniest of smiles to creep up on his lips as both cadets glared at Zack. “Sure. That sounds like fun.”

“I’ve debriefed you all, so you’ll be free to go when we get back. But if I ask the pilot nicely, he’d probably drop us right wherever I ask. These two can make their own way back to the barracks from there, right?”

Zack didn’t give them a chance to reply as he leaned over and tapped the pilot on the shoulder, relaying his change of plan. Cloud watched him, feeling his heart rate quicken. Zack apparently didn’t mean chill out at the barracks together. He had something- somewhere- else in mind.

“I guess we could call it a mini date?” Zack whispered in his ear. He chuckled at his own joke, leaving Cloud to try and pick up the pieces of his scrambled mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain was all MORE PLOT and MORE CUTE. This literally started as a self indulgent omorashi fic and yet here we are. I have some really nice plans for future chapters to make up for the minimal omo while I set stuff up though! I'm a little ahead now and just editing.
> 
> I'm so shy about this whole thing, ack. I'm trying to get past it. Forcing myself to post this is helping a bit, so thanks for reading and enjoying so far!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's still having Big Feelings, and now he has another problem to deal with.

With his mind internally melting down, Cloud barely noticed the rest of the journey. Soon enough they were landing on the edge of the upper plate between Sectors 6 and 7, which Zack had requested.

Zack turned to the other cadets when they were on the ground, giving them both a nod. “You’re dismissed,” he said as he opened the helicopter door. “Make your way back to base.”

He jumped out of the helicopter, with Cloud quickly on his heels before either of his teammates could say anything. They retreated to a safe distance and watched the helicopter lift off once more.

“I admire your restraint,” Zack said over the noise. “I’d have busted their noses ages ago if I were you.”

“I admire yours too. You looked like you wanted to murder them.”

“I’m angry that this is the kind of thing you’ve been putting up with all this time. It sounds like your commander is going to be disciplined, but I could easily report both of them for their-”

“Please don’t,” Cloud cut in. “I can deal with it. Right now, I’d love to hear what your plan is for tonight.”

Zack allowed him to change the subject. “I told you. We’re going to go chill out.”

He took him to the nearby train station, where Zack took the waiting time to get in some impromptu exercise. He did that- always one to keep moving, keeping those muscles in good shape. He managed to make stretching look far too indecent. Cloud allowed himself one glance before he turned the other way.

All things to do with Zack were filed away in a box in his mind and he rather liked it that way. He could take the box out and rifle through when he wanted to. What he did _not_ need was Zack diving into his brain and setting the box on fire. He’d mentally agreed that if Zack still stuck around after he made SOLDIER then maybe, just maybe, he’d agree to date him. They’d be closer to equal then, even if Cloud knew he’d never actually feel like it.

Still, Zack didn’t make it easy. The way he looked at Cloud sometimes made his stomach flip, and the way he looked at him when he needed to-

Cloud shut that thought down immediately. As he’d told Zack, being reminded of him every time he needed to pee was getting really damn problematic. It wasn’t as simple as just going and getting Zack off his mind either. Military training didn’t lend itself to easy chances to do so, and nor did an almost pathological fear of being alone anywhere in the barracks, especially late at night. The day he stumbled across Zack had been more anxiety inducing than anything, right up until he’d realised Zack was more interested in... Well, he hadn’t known then. He just knew he was more preoccupied with his own thoughts than he was about Cloud.

When the lights went out his teammates stayed awake, so he stayed in his bunk whether he was tired or not. One late night shower after lights out had been enough to show him what his teammates would do when they knew they weren’t being watched, and had been the cause of a considerable amount of bruises. The bunk wasn’t necessarily safe either, but he’d only been attacked while sleeping twice and both times it had been broken up by patrol.

Then Zack had occupied his mind and with it had occupied his bunk. After Zack’s admittance of both his kink and his crush Cloud had spent an unreasonable amount of nights awake, threading it through his mind until he finally passed out. There had been one night where he regretted not peeing before lights out, because it meant he’d really struggled to sleep with both an aching bladder and thoughts of what Zack would do or say if he knew. ‘That sounds like something you should tell me about sometime’ was the answer apparently, if their conversation earlier that week was anything to go by.

The kink didn’t bother him. It was pretty harmless as far as things went, and in a weird way Cloud found it kind of cute that Zack got so riled up over such a simple thing. It had made the incident in the showers that he refused to think about a little easier to process, at least. What had been harder was the crush Zack had, because it came out in full force the moment Zack picked up on any hint that he might need to pee. And really, Zack had no business being able to _tell_ the way he could, either. He didn’t even need to say anything sometimes and he’d _know_ , and it meant he’d be confronted with I-Have-A-Crush-Zack.

The truth was I-Have-A-Crush-Zack gave him eyes that spoke of wonder, and he found himself craving it. Of all the things to indulge in something as innocent as not peeing for a little while to get those eyes was pretty simple.

He definitely found himself playing into it though. He’d started awkwardly when they’d gone to Junon together, unsure of how to navigate the entire thing, but unlike himself Zack was quite simple to work out. Wait to the point of desperation, and Zack would do the rest.

He wasn’t having difficulty with that right that moment either; the urge he’d felt out in the desert had ramped up considerably. He’d crossed one leg lightly over the other, tapping one hand on his knee, a few minutes back but Zack hadn’t yet noticed; too wrapped up in his exercise, but the moment he glanced over that would change.

“You’re quiet,” Zack said, dropping down into the seat next to him a few moments later. “Something on your mind?”

Predictably, Zack was as subtle as a brick. Cloud simply shrugged and gave him a neutral look. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Zack blinked a few times, realisation setting in. He laughed, eyes lighting up in the way that made Cloud feel like he’d swallowed sunshine. “The train station might have a bathroom?”

Cloud gave him an easy shrug. “I’m good.”

“You’re such a damn tease,” Zack said with a good natured laugh as he lit up like the sun itself. “You sure?”

“Mm,” Cloud murmured with a nod. He wasn’t really sure but he was going to dive down the rabbit hole anyway, far too invested in the concept of teasing Zack to think rationally. Zack could ask for the world right then and Cloud would try his hardest to provide it.

This was different to Junon. He’d been _so nervous_ then, unsure how to navigate any of what he’d learned. He’d ended up playing into Zack’s fantasies mostly by mistake, when he’d realised he was far too shy to actually voice his need. It hadn’t helped Zack was his superior there, though the idea of that had triggered something in his brain that he’d quickly stuffed back into hiding.

Cloud exhaled sharply, hands between his knees as he ran through scenarios in his mind. He’d let Zack know he was going to find the bathroom at the train station, and Zack would grab his hand and shake his head with that look in his eye. ‘No’, he’d say. ‘I don’t think so, Cloud.’

In reality Zack would fall over himself to be accommodating, because he was a nice guy like that. But every ounce of Cloud’s mind begged for that look, those eyes- and that control. He wasn’t going to get control from Zack because _why would he that was insane_. How did you approach someone who was only a friend and say ‘actually, I kind of want to hand the reins over to you, and it’s fine if you say I can’t go because _reasons_ ’ which was about the point Cloud’s mind inwardly exploded on itself.

His ears pricked up at the sound of the train approaching further down the line. They jumped on, ending up in a carriage with a few other people. Zack took to stretching again, arching back off of a nearby pole in a way that Cloud felt should be utterly illegal.

He had other things to focus on right then besides how good Zack looked, fighting to stay still. Back at the station he’d been lightly moving when the pangs in his bladder got too much, but now there were people in the brightly lit carriage. It was one thing to play games for Zack, and another entirely to alert a group of strangers to it. They were in uniform too, so he definitely wanted to sit neatly still and not draw attention to them.

Sitting wasn’t working. The desire to do something incriminating like tap on foot or cross his legs or anything that might actually work was too much. Instead, he got up and leaned against the nearby pole Zack was using, with one leg crossed over the other in a way he hoped looked casual to the average onlooker. It wouldn’t to Zack, who had stopped stretching and was watching him like something he wanted to devour, but that was the point.

Zack always said all the right things that a person would be expected to say when confronted with someone who needed to pee. He never so much as even glanced at anyone else when they mentioned it other than to wave them off or point them in the right direction. Cloud guessed that was because he didn’t find them ‘cute’- the thought made him cringe- but it also made the whole thing a little special. What had been Zack’s secret was now their secret; a shared experience, just for them.

The thought strengthened his resolve to actually stay on the train and not leap off at the next stop like he’d been contemplating.

“Hey.” Zack had moved so he was behind Cloud, leaning against the other side of the pole. “You good?”

“I’m tired,” Cloud said easily. “It’s been a long day.”

“Oh come on,” Zack said with a laugh, shaking his head. “You’re going to make me work for this?”

The silence that reigned told Cloud that they were _both_ nervous about navigating things, which made him feel a little better. If even outgoing Zack Fair could feel the nervous tension, then maybe he didn’t have to feel so bad about his own shyness.

Whatever feelings he had about being shy or reserved, teasing Zack with information as and when he felt like it, were going to be derailed pretty quickly if his bladder carried on pounding at him the way it was. He exhaled ruefully- a hazard of the kink, if he had to guess, was that it paved the way ahead of you and didn’t care about your idiosyncrasies. You might be the kind of person who was way too shy to openly pace the carriage in desperation usually, but that was exactly what he was going to have to do if things kept up.

“We need a change of scene,” he said, before swiftly moving through carriages to find an empty one. Zack followed, letting him lead without a word. They were in luck; the very end carriage was exactly what Cloud wanted.

“You okay Cloud?”

Cloud gave Zack a small smile as he sat down, sighing deeply and nodding. “Mm. I’ll be fine. Just- talk and distract me, okay?”

Zack was usually pretty good at talking, but right then he seemed to be drawing a blank. Cloud refused to meet his eye, feeling his cheeks burn as he attempted- unsuccessfully- to find a comfortable way to sit, but it wasn’t happening. Ever self conscious, Cloud attempted to be as casual as possible in his movements. Anyone who happened to spot him would definitely be able to work out what was wrong though; he was thankful for the empty carriage.

He wrapped his arms around himself and winced at the now-constant pulsing of his bladder. “How do you do this for fun?”

“Hey, I’ve always said it’s kind of weird,” Zack said with a neutral shrug. “I also only had to get it wrong once before I started thinking a few steps ahead.”

There was a warning in his tone. Cloud didn’t miss it, narrowing his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I’m saying,” Zack said carefully. “Look around. There’s no exit. You don’t have an escape plan if it goes wrong. There’s no bathroom on these trains either, Cloud.”

“I knew that. That was the whole point,” Cloud said between gritted teeth.

Zack laughed softly, shaking his head. “Buddy, I admire where you were going with this, but I’m getting a little worried here. I can slam the emergency brake and we can jump off?”

Cloud looked up at him with wide eyes, startled. “What? No! It’s fine, okay? Just-” He stopped and sighed in frustration, not sure how to finish the sentence.

“Talk,” Zack said firmly as he sat down next to him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Cloud didn’t want to talk right then, in case he accidentally slipped up and said something stupid like ‘I really, really like you too but there’s no way someone like me can be with you.’ Instead he switched position again, deciding to take a different tactic. “Zack,” he said, his voice low and what he hoped was enticing. Oh god, it had better be enticing and not just sound like he was sick. “I told you I liked the idea of teasing you, didn’t I? So, would you let me actually do it? Unless you’d rather I didn’t, then-”

“No, no,” Zack said hurriedly, rubbing the back of his head nervously. “This is just so new to me, right? I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I don’t either,” Cloud admitted with a small smile. “So I guess we’re just winging it together.”

“I guess we are.”

Cloud knew he had limited time. His bladder was reminding him quite sharply that it was done waiting for him to get around to emptying it, thank you, and could he do it soon before it did it for him. One particular wave of desperation had him gasp and shift position quickly. The blush across Zack’s cheeks as Cloud glanced across at him was a first, and it was so damned cute Cloud could barely stand it. Nervous, flustered Zack was his new favourite.

He opened his mouth to tease some more but something kept him quiet. “I feel like an idiot,” he said after a moment. “Am I doing it right? Am I saying the right things? I have no idea.”

“You’re doing fine,” Zack said, putting a hand on his arm with a good natured smile. “Just- do whatever you’d usually do. If you didn’t know this was my kink what would you say to me right now, in this situation?”

“I probably wouldn’t say anything. It’s not like there’s anywhere I can go right now.”

“Okay, but, you’re being pretty obvious about it. I’d notice, right?”

Cloud raised an eyebrow at him and switched positions once more so he was sitting more casually. He kept one leg over the other still as he sat back in his chair in a manner that suggested boredom, looking outwardly relaxed. Oh god he was going to regret it, he just knew it. “You think I can’t hide it? It’s more uncomfortable, but I can do it.”

“So do it.” Zack shrugged, sitting back in his chair with folded arms and a smirk. “See how long that lasts.”

“Right,” Cloud said with a roll of his eyes. “You’re a pro, but... So am I. My commander isn’t the sympathetic type. He’s not someone you ask to slip out of training or, say, an exam, for a moment. But you knew that already.”

“Okay. So, we’re doing this scenario, are we? I can do that. You’re hiding it, we’re on this train and you have no idea where we’re going and when we might stop. What happens next?”

It was genius, Cloud had to admit. He could sense the tension between the two of them melting a little as they acted out what was right in front of them; an extra protective layer over things, just to help them navigate their way through. “I guess I would eventually ask where we were going to try and work things out from there.”

“If I said it was the other side of Midgar or something, then what? You’re shy and you don’t want to tell me, but what if you had no choice?”

“I’d probably just jump off at a stop knowing you’d follow, and then tell you to wait for me at the platform. I don’t think I’d actually tell you why. Sorry, that doesn’t play into your fantasy very well, but it’s true.”

“No, this tells me a lot about you. You’re not outgoing like I am, so it’s harder for you to put yourself out there in any way, this included.” Zack shrugged, smirking and indicating Cloud’s hand on his knee. “You’re finger tapping.”

Cloud glared at him and stopped immediately. “If we were in some kind of situation where I _had_ to tell you what was going on I’d probably just say nothing, but leave it for so long I’d end up suddenly pleading with you to let us go and find somewhere.”

“So I’m saying no in this scenario?” Zack mused. “That’s interesting. I wouldn’t, just so you know. I would- Cloud?”

Cloud had visibly stopped functioning, realising it was possible he’d been caught out and frantically trying to reboot his brain so Zack didn’t notice. “It’s nothing. I guess I don’t really know what I’d do.”

“It’s okay,” Zack said with a laugh. Cloud breathed a sigh of relief, taking the thought he’d accidentally spilled and shoving in back into the box in his mind. “Relax, Cloud. Maybe not too much, though.”

“Mm,” Cloud murmured, taking a deep breath against a wave of desperation that completely broke his neutral stance into pieces. He suppressed a whimper as he leant forward, hands wrapped around himself as he attempted- and failed- to sit still any longer. “Next stop. We’re getting off. Work with it, please?”

Zack nodded, saying nothing more as he watched Cloud. Cloud resisted the urge to glare at him, feeling exposed even though he was doing exactly what they both wanted in that moment.

They got off at the next stop, Zack making sure to gesture in the direction of the bathroom before they left the station. Cloud gladly took the moment, finally managing to appease his aching bladder gratefully. In the midst of doing so he came to the startling realisation that the overwhelming relief was actually quite pleasurable, albeit in a strange kind of way he’d never thought to notice before. Of all the things he could do for Zack it really wasn’t all that bad.

Now more settled, Cloud expertly hid how nervous he was feeling as Zack led them through a winding path wordlessly. At the end of it they entered a tiny park, where Zack stopped and gestured with a sweeping arm.

“The change of plan isn’t so bad,” he said, looking up at a huge cat-shaped slide nearby. “An old friend showed me this place once. I like that someone in Shinra cared enough to build something like this for the people in the slums.”

He climbed up to the top of the slide, grinning down at Cloud. Cloud sighed at him, but resigned himself to following him up. Together they sat looking up at the sky lamps above them, unable to see the real stars through the plate, until Zack spoke.

“You know, you’re so quick to do things for me. I have to wonder, Cloud- what is it _you_ want?”

Surprised by the question, Cloud didn’t answer for a moment. He hadn’t yet organised any of his thoughts into any kind of order, nor did he actually want to voice any of them outside of one. “I want to make it into SOLDIER.”

“I know that,” Zack said with a small laugh. “Never mind. I guess you’re not ready to talk about the rest, huh?”

He was being vague, but the meaning was clear as day. Cloud glanced across at him, taking in the way the lights above them framed him like a spotlight. He was going to have to be so careful not to fall head over heels before he made SOLDIER. It was only fair to give Zack the chance to realise he could do better. The thought tightened his throat and he had to shove it deep down to stop it spilling over.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Fine,” Cloud said hurriedly. “What’s going on with you though?”

“Me?” Zack gave a short laugh, looking at him with a tiny smile. “Cloud, you walked into my life and gave me a fantastic friend who’s happy to indulge me in one of my deepest fantasies, and you don’t even expect anything in return. Like- you don’t even expect a relationship out of it, let alone anything more than that. People generally aren’t that selfless, you know?”

Cloud blinked a few times in confusion, unable to hide it. Zack was talking like their relationship was weighted in _Zack’s_ favour, when all he could see was how low Zack was sinking to even be in his company. “You’re punching low here, Zack. Don’t pretend you’re not for my sake.”

“You really think that?” Zack put one hand to Cloud’s cheek, shaking his head slowly. “No. That’s not how it is at _all_. Man, you could really do with a boost of self confidence.”

Cloud wasn’t going to ask him to remove his hand, even though he was suddenly finding it hard to breathe while it stayed there. “Why would I believe-”

He forced himself silent, glaring at Zack to make it clear he was done talking. Zack slowly pulled his hand away, eyeing Cloud cautiously before he spoke again.

“You’re not going to explain what you were going to say, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Just... Will you answer me this?” Zack leaned over, forcing Cloud to meet his gaze. Blue stared into blue, unblinking, until Cloud pulled back slightly. “Do you like me? And don’t play coy- you know what I’m asking here.”

Cloud hesitated, trying to still his racing heart. “It’s complicated, okay?”

“Okay. I can work with complicated. That’s not a no.”

“It’s not,” Cloud confirmed, which was as far as he was willing to step over the boundary. Pre-relationship relationship had to be a thing, since he was sure that was where they’d just ended up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also known as 'sparklemissfortune wrote over 15,000 words of setup to get to the bit where she gets to make Cloud squirm with reason.'


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cloud indulges Zack in his idea of a movie date.

“How do you feel about going to catch a movie with me?”

It was most definitely a loaded question. Cloud knew it, hearing the weight behind it immediately. “What’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“But there’s something.”

Zack didn’t reply right away, looking deep in thought and avoiding Cloud’s eye. Cloud waited for him to respond before finally shifting his position on Zack’s bed, laying his head in Zack’s lap and catching his gaze that way instead. Zack looked down at him, eyes slightly wide in surprise, before he smiled softly.

“You don’t have to. It’s just... It’s one of those things I’ve always wanted to do with someone, that’s all. Take someone to a movie, give them some drinks... You know why.”

It was the first time Zack had attempted to initiate a situation between them. Cloud mulled the development over in his mind. “Why a movie?”

“It’s always been the fantasy.”

“About me or in general?”

Zack scowled lightly and mussed Cloud’s hair, shoving him out of his lap. “In general.”

Cloud raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t like Zack to be so coy about anything, and he was being light on any kind of detail. “You know, if you want me to do something, it would probably be better if you told me exactly what you’re expecting.”

“You might not want to,” Zack said hurriedly. “And you don’t have to! I just-”

“Zack.” Cloud met his gaze, his eyes firm but accepting. “Let’s not pretend I haven’t been playing up on this myself for you, right? Having some direction would actually be pretty helpful.”

Zack finally smiled back at him, relief evident in his eyes. “Alright. The idea is you see if you can hold out until the end of the movie.”

“That’s all?”

“There’s some little tweaks to set things up, but yeah. That’s all.”

“Tweaks like what?”

Zack paused, then jumped up and headed to his closet. He rifled through a bag and pulled out a bottle of water, tossing it over to Cloud. “Drink that now, then we leave.”

“Right,” Cloud said with a smirk as he opened the bottle. “That makes sense. Do I have to do anything else other than watch the movie and just wait it out?”

“No. Just try, and if you really think you can’t then you can go. Don’t expect me not to protest about it though.”

The words sent a jolt up Cloud’s spine, chilling him in a way he wasn’t expecting. _Zack_ would have control of the situation, even if just superficially. “Do you have a movie in mind?”

“No. It doesn’t really matter.”

Of course it didn’t. Cloud sipped the water, trying to work out how to approach what he wanted to say. “So... Maybe you should just control the whole thing. It’s your fantasy, right? Why not just put me where you want me? I’m game for whatever.”

It wasn’t quite the smoothest way he could have said things, and inwardly he fought against just flinging himself out the window in utter mortification, but Zack didn’t seem to pick up on his nervous ineptitude.

“It’ll be a good learning opportunity for me.” Just in case he wasn’t quite humiliated enough by the words spilling out of his mouth he just had to add more, and _oh my god_ he needed to just _shut up_.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“You have to make sure I know when you’re done playing though, okay? I don’t want to overstep on anything.”

“I’ll let you know if you do. Deal?”

Zack grinned, finally seeming to relax. “Okay. It’s a deal.”

Cloud tossed him the empty water bottle and stood up, indicating to the door. “Then let’s go.”

Cloud found it so endearing watching Zack practically bound across the room to the door, excitement in every step. His heart felt like it might pound out of his chest as he followed, suddenly nervous. He was going to finally give Zack the reins, and Zack was going to act out something he’d clearly thought about for a while. It was a win-win situation for them both.

It was only a short train ride into central Midgar, and they stood in front of the local multiplex. Zack scanned the movie posters outside, finally pointing to one above them.

“How about that one?”

It was a horror movie. Cloud had to admire Zack’s thought process when picking _that_ one out. “Not my favourite, but I can work with it.”

Zack took that as a confirmation and took Cloud’s arm, leading him inside. As he was buying the tickets Cloud grabbed another bottle of water from the nearby vending machine.

“Oh?” Zack said once he was back with tickets in hand.

“Thirsty,” Cloud said with a shrug. Zack raised one eyebrow, but said nothing more and headed off to buy snacks.

By the time he came back again, the water was empty. Zack pushed a drink and popcorn at Cloud and smirked, shaking his head. “Not a wise plan, buddy.”

Cloud rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I’ll be fine. It’s only a two hour movie.”

Zack stopped arguing, but he had knowing smirk on his lips as they walked over to the entrance to the screens. A staff member took them and directed them the right way, thanking them and telling them to enjoy the movie.

“Oh we will,” Zack said, giving Cloud a cheeky wink.

The seat numbers Zack had chosen were for one of the rows at the back, tucked into the corner. Zack led Cloud up once they were inside, practically skipping up the stairs as Cloud followed with a small smile on his face.

“After you,” Zack said, indicating to the aisle with one hand. Of course he was placing himself between Cloud and an easy exit. Everything was planned, down to the last detail.

Cloud raised an eyebrow, smirking just a little. “Just how long has this been a fantasy of yours, Zack?”

Zack shoved him into the aisle lightly, looking somewhat mortified. “Long enough.”

Once seated, Zack leaned over and tapped Cloud on the shoulder. When he turned, Zack popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth for him. “You could say this is our first proper date,” he said.

Cloud nearly choked on the popcorn, taking a long sip of his drink instead of answering.

Zack had, at least, picked a movie that looked interesting enough. Once through the adverts they settled into silence in the darkness of the theatre, and Cloud found himself invested in the movie- that was, right up until the light urge he’d felt when they’d left the barracks evolved into a fiery pounding in his bladder demanding to be dealt with. It happened so quickly it almost took his breath away. He shifted, crossing one leg over the other and tapping one foot lightly on the floor. It wasn’t enough, and he’d already attracted Zack’s attention.

Zack leaned over, his voice low. “Managing okay?”

“Kind of.”

“I warned you. It’s a good thing I bought popcorn- I’m going to enjoy this train-wreck.”

Cloud shoved him with a glare, but he knew Zack was right. He’d had something of a plan going into this; keep things subtle, enough that Zack could see and no-one else if they happened to glance by, and tease Zack accordingly. Now the plan was out the window, along with any chance of subtlety. Cloud rapidly bounced one knee, rocking just slightly with his hands firmly buried in his lap, taking deep breaths as his bladder protested and demanded release.

Neither of them were paying the movie any attention anymore. Cloud gasped and leaned forward as one particularly bad wave washed over him, feeling Zack’s hand on the small of his back as he did so.

“Here,” Zack said, holding out Cloud’s cola drink for him. “Want some?”

“No!”

“You sure? Not even a couple of sips?”

Cloud took it, took two sips, and put it back down again with a grimace. “There. You happy?”

“Definitely.” And he clearly was; Cloud could see the sparkle in his eyes that made his heart melt.

Zack gave him a smile and turned back to the screen, leaving Cloud to close his eyes and take a deep breath. They were only just over halfway through the movie. He sat back on the edge of his seat gently, bouncing both his legs as he rocked. He clenched at his knees with his hands, shaking his head slowly.

“I don’t think I wait until the end of the movie,” he whispered to Zack. “I’m sorry.”

“What? Don’t be sorry!” Zack hesitated for a moment, then grabbed Cloud’s cup. He quickly drank the remains of the melted ice, and held the cup out expectantly to Cloud. “It’s an option. To take the pressure off.”

“Are you _seriously_ suggesting I-” Cloud couldn’t even bring himself to voice it, let alone do it.

“I know, I get it. You can leave, I’m not stopping you.”

That was a pity to Cloud, so he tentatively took the cup in his hand and stared at it longingly. “Is this part of the fantasy?”

“I honestly never got that far with it,” Zack said lowly. “I just got as far as the desperate squirming around and, uh, my brain stopped working after that. I just thought I’d throw it out there since you seemed upset about having to leave.” He paused, giving Cloud a knowing smile. “Though, I totally called it.”

Cloud continued to stare at the cup. In any other circumstance he’d have dismissed it entirely, but desperation made a person do strange things. So did I-Have-A-Crush eyes, and he was getting those in spades.

He slowly sat back in his seat, putting the cup to one side. He said nothing more, setting his gaze back to the screen and trying to get into a somewhat comfortable position. His bladder ached and begged for relief no matter how he sat, or how he moved, but he attempted to ignore it as much as possible in favour of the movie. He wasn’t actually paying it any attention anymore, frantically cycling options through his mind.

Cloud finally snatched the cup from its holder, hands shaking as he unclipped his belt buckle. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” he muttered under his breath. After a moment’s thought he slowly lowered himself down to the floor from his seat, squirming frantically as he positioned himself over the cup. Zack, who had his eyes trained to the movie, glanced down at him and then back to the screen. Cloud noted he looked flustered, which he would celebrate the success of when he wasn’t so distracted

It took him a few moments, but he managed to relax enough to start peeing; only a little, and he stopped as soon as it hit the cup. Heart racing, he looked up at Zack with a question in his eyes. Zack understood, looking around the movie theatre, and then shaking his head slowly in response. So close to relief and not giving in to it, his bladder protested and pulsed urgently until he gasped and found himself peeing involuntarily into the cup. It was only for a couple of seconds, and the shock had him stop again and look up with wide eyes.

“It’s fine,” Zack said reassuringly. The movie was loud, and no-one in the room had even glanced their way. Cloud nodded, still shaking as he tried to relax enough to actually get some relief instead of just teasing his bladder with it.

Finally, after nearly thirty seconds, he managed to start peeing a steady stream into the cup uninterrupted. He took a few deep breaths, still feeling unbearably desperate and not getting a reprieve even as the cup approached half full. As it reached the three quarter mark he finally found the edges of relief creeping in, having to stifle a moan as it did so.

“Cloud,” Zack said warningly.

Cloud knew what he was saying, tensing and trying to stem the flow. It was difficult, and his bladder protested by expelling a couple of long jets into the almost overfull cup. The panic he felt was enough to shut the tide, and he stayed where he was on the floor until he was absolutely certain he wasn’t going to soak his clothes the moment he moved.

Zack reached down and took the cup from him, clipping the lid back on and placing it to one side. Cloud re-buckled his belt and pulled himself back up into the chair, shaking with both relief and anxiety. Letting some of the pressure off had helped, but he was still agonisingly desperate. Zack said nothing, but even in the darkness of the movie theatre Cloud could see the flustered look in his eyes.

Turning his attention back to the screen, Cloud found that he was _still_ unable to actually concentrate on the movie. His bladder was furious with him for cutting off its relief, pulsing with such urgency Cloud had to wonder if he’d actually made things worse for himself. He tried to watch as best he could while shifting and squirming into different positions, hoping that one of them might stem the overwhelming feeling that his bladder was going to burst if he didn’t empty it fully right that second.

“Is that any better?”

“A little,” Cloud said, looking pleadingly at Zack. “Not enough.”

“That was only a large drink,” Zack mused out loud. “Good thing I didn’t get the supersize.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t.”

“They were out of the cups.”

Cloud bounced one leg, tapping his fingers on the side of the chair nervously as he glanced at Zack out of the corner of his eye. Zack noticed, gave him a short wave and a smile, and turned back to the screen.

Of course he was paying attention. Even if he looked like he wasn’t, he was taking the whole thing in. That was the entire point. The idea of being watched made him shy, but he reminded himself that that was the entire point. He was trying to stay subtle, stay as still as possible, stay quiet, but really he had no reason to.

He wasn’t the biggest fan of horror but it wasn’t bad as far as movies went, but he was mindful of the possibility of jump scares. They were usually telegraphed wildly by a change in musical score or lighting, but not always. Cloud figured that Zack got the payoff he was expecting out of that one when a ghoul popped up in the middle of the screen out of nowhere, causing him to gasp and jump backwards in his chair. Then he had to wrap his arms around himself and take a deep breath, thankful that hadn’t happened earlier in the movie when he’d been beside himself with desperation. He wasn’t much better right then, but enough that he could keep control. Just.

There wasn’t long left, and he would fulfil what Zack had requested. It sounded so easy but it really wasn’t right then. He was glad only Zack was close by and they weren’t somewhere crowded, since he was outright squirming with little control over it. He sat on the edge of his seat, bouncing both his legs as he rocked and clenched at his knees with his hands.

“Everything okay?” Zack whispered to him.

Cloud didn’t have to look at him to see the smirk on his lips; he could hear it in his voice. He shook his head slowly. “So, so desperate.”

The look on Zack’s face was _completely_ worth the moment of candid admittance. Cloud made a mental note of it for the future.

The movie was clearly wrapping up all the loose ends. Cloud willed it to do so quicker, ready to bolt the second he saw the credits roll. Zack seemed to guess it, already standing as the first name appeared on screen. Cloud pushed past him without a word, unable to stand completely upright as he headed down the darkened stairs.

“So you managed then,” Zack said with a chuckle as he entered the bathroom behind Cloud, having had to jog to keep up with him. He had the cup in his hands and set about emptying it, much to Cloud’s embarrassment. “Not bad.”

Cloud laughed shortly, almost manically, as his shaking hands fumbled with his belt buckle. “ _Not bad_? Is it possible to actually burst your bladder? I feel like I’m going to.”

Zack stepped over and swiftly unclipped his belt buckle for him. “Not possible. You’d piss yourself first. That’s probably not very reassuring, though.”

Cloud didn’t reply, already peeing before Zack had finished his sentence. He couldn’t stop himself moaning in relief at being able to finally empty his aching bladder, his steam heavy and fast like it would never stop. After what felt like an age it finally slowed and then stopped, leaving Cloud to step back weakly. He found himself caught by Zack, staying there to catch his breath a moment before pulling free.

“I’m just going to take that experience and hardwire it into my brain now. Anything you want, Cloud, I owe you.”

Cloud didn’t look up at him, washing his hands and trying to breathe normally again. “You don’t. That was an experience for me as well. It’s pretty interesting seeing what makes you tick.”

“Well, the offer stands. You just made my entire week.”

“Just a week?” Cloud said airily. “What do I have to do to make your entire month instead?”

“Kiss me,” Zack said, smirking from ear to ear.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Cloud said, but he did blow Zack a kiss as he left the room. Zack caught up with him a moment later, hand over his cheek with a faraway look in his eye.

“It’s official,” Zack said as they walked to the exit. “You’re the best not-actually-my-boyfriend boyfriend.”

Cloud smiled inwardly at that. The second SOLDIER written exam was the following week. He’d ace it with the amount of studying he’d been doing, fly through the physical and mental tests, and by the end of the month he could finally tell Zack he would date him as a SOLDIER himself. Only Third Class, but that was a good enough start. Hopefully that would be enough to make Zack’s entire year.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack gets the chance to mess with Cloud for once.

Zack wouldn’t have been a very good First Class SOLDIER if he wasn’t capable of recon missions. Cloud, however, was giving him a number of reasons to dust off his skills and trail him for a little while.

Cloud had been missing. It was unusual for him not to cross Zack’s path now, and it had been over a week since their movie date. When Zack had messaged him on the PHS he’d finally managed to sneak for him, he’d got a short reply about being busy with studying in his spare time. Cloud had suggested they catch up ‘later’, but Zack didn’t like it. Something was off. He’d originally taken it as Cloud being nervous after their almost-sort-of-date, but he ruled that out. It was something different, he just knew.

He’d waited for Cloud to respond that he was studying one afternoon, pushing for details covertly until Cloud had said he was in the library. Zack hadn’t replied, and instead snuck into said library and took up residence in a corner away from all the cadets milling around gathering books and the like. Cloud had been telling the truth; Zack had clocked him at a table across the room almost immediately, head down writing furiously with a textbook at his side on the table.

Zack watched and waited. He wasn’t even sure what he was waiting for, but he needed answers. Cloud was shy, yes, but he wasn’t cagey in the way he had been. He grabbed a textbook that had been left on the table and opened it front of him, trying to look like he was actually doing something, while occasionally glancing up at his friend.

Cloud didn’t look up from his work. It fact, he didn’t move at all for over thirty minutes other than to turn pages in his textbook. In that time Zack counted no less than four other cadets attempt to get his attention, and all were ignored. His enhanced hearing caught the occasional word, and none of it sounded particularly pleasant.

The fifth time one of them said something, Cloud finally looked up at them. “Can you stop?” Zack heard him say, clear as day in the quiet of the library.

“No talking in the library, Princess,” was the equally loud response. Zack didn’t have to be close to see the smirk on the guy’s face when he spoke. “Oh, damn, look at that. Such a shame about your face.”

Cloud ducked his head down again. Zack narrowed his eyes in concern, slowly getting up and moving a few tables closer so he could listen in better.

“Maybe if you weren’t fucking a First Class for an easy ride into SOLDIER, people would like you more.”

“I’m not here to be liked,” Cloud said. Zack wanted to rush over and dispel the whole situation, but he forced himself to stand his ground. Cloud had repeatedly said he didn’t want a bodyguard. He had to respect that, no matter how much his fist was itching to punch that mouthy cadet square in the face.

“So you _are_ fucking him then.”

“We’re friends. It really isn’t any of your business.”

“Quiet in the library please,” the librarian called from behind her desk, sounding bored and fed up. Zack figured she probably was; exam month was likely hell to manage from her side of things.

The cadet moved on, and Cloud glanced around slightly when he did so. For the first time Zack caught a glimpse of his cheekbone, which was mottled and bruised up to his eye-socket.

Zack instantly knew why Cloud had been avoiding him then. He pulled his PHS out and texted Cloud, fingers flying over the keys quickly. _Are you still studying_?

He watched as Cloud stopped what he was doing, the barest of sweet smiles on his face when he saw who the message was from. It made Zack melt immediately, seeing him so genuine for a moment.

 _Yeah_ , came the reply back.

_Want some company? I promise to be quiet._

Cloud looked panicked for a second, his hand ghosting over the wound on his face before he replied. _It would be easier if I just got on with it alone. I don’t think you even know how to be quiet, anyway._

Zack frowned at that, wanting to tell Cloud just how quiet and stealthy he was being over in the corner of the library, but of course that would defeat the entire point _and_ prove himself wrong all in one go. He didn’t text again, the sudden urge to punch something leaving him to slip back out the library and head down to the gym instead. It wasn’t just what he’d seen that angered him either. He was almost as angry about Cloud not coming to him when he’d clearly needed a friend.

After funnelling some anger into the punching bag in the gym he finally headed back to his room. To his surprise sitting outside of it, back up against the door, was Cloud. He gave Zack a tiny smile and stood up, then cast his eyes to the floor sheepishly.

“Hi Zack.”

Zack took his chin and pulled his face up, studying the wound on his cheekbone critically. “What made you come here, Cloud? Since you were so intent on avoiding me and all.”

Oh damn, he really had to rein back in that anger. Cloud looked a little hurt, and Zack didn’t blame him. But, he didn’t apologise either.

“I-” Cloud stopped, eyeing the door. “Can we talk?”

“We are talking.”

Cloud sighed deeply, folding his arms and looking away. “Did I catch you at a bad time or something?”

Zack opened the door and stood aside for Cloud to enter, closing the door behind him roughly. Cloud immediately looked nervous, perched on the edge of Zack’s bed looking at anything but him.

“Last week,” Cloud said lowly. “We had training, and I was sparring with one of the guys I was sent to Cosmo Canyon with.” The same guy in the library, Zack realised. The mouthy little shit who’d been so unpleasant on the helicopter ride home. “I just wasn’t in the mood for his attitude, so I kicked his legs out from under him. He got pissed and punched me. He...”

He tailed off, but Zack wasn’t going to take Cloud’s evasiveness right then. “He _what_?”

“He said maybe you’d find some other _pretty little cadet_ if he roughed me up enough.”

“So? I’m not interested in the opinion of some overconfident shit-stirring asshole.”

Cloud narrowed his eyes, clearly a little confused. “Why are you so mad?”

“Because you should have _told_ me instead of just avoiding me. I was worried.”

“I...” Cloud didn’t have an easy answer to that. Zack exhaled, releasing a lot of his tension, as he flopped down onto the edge of the bed next to Cloud.

“I came to the library today,” he said. “I saw him giving you a hard time. I wasn’t there very long, but I needed to see if you were okay. I really was worried, Cloud.”

Cloud didn’t seem to know what to do with that information, finally settling on a frown. “You were there?”

“And I didn’t jump in,” Zack said firmly. “Just like you want, right? I let you handle it. I just went and punched shit in the gym for a while instead.”

“Thank you.” Cloud sounded so sincerely grateful. It drained away more of Zack’s anger, leaving him exhausted instead.

“Damn it, Cloud,” he said with a sigh. “You can trust me, okay?”

He didn’t get any kind of reply. Cloud just stared down at the floor sadly, finally glancing up after a few awkward moments.

“I should probably go,” he murmured.

“No. You don’t have to. Maybe you should get some studying done here instead of at the library.”

Cloud, who had dropped his bag at the doorway, looked across the room at it in question. “Really?”

“Sure. I can help, maybe. Probably.”

“That’s reassuring,” Cloud said, but he retrieved his bag anyway.

Once he was sprawled out on the bed, textbook open and pencil in hand, Cloud looked up at Zack with a nervous look in his eye. “Are you still mad at me?”

“A little,” Zack admitted with a shrug. “I’ll get over it. I’m more worried about you than anything. Now come on, let’s get this shit crammed into your brain.”

Zack almost regretted offering after a straight hour of reading through Cloud’s textbook. He finally snapped it shut, flinging it to one side with a frustrated sigh. “Ugh. I forgot how much these written exams are just excuses to suck President Shinra’s dick.”

“Ew.” Cloud wrinkled his nose at the thought, not looking up from the paperwork he was writing. He was laid across Zack’s bed on his stomach, propped up on one elbow writing notes to study with. “No thanks.”

“Maybe not, but have you seen his son Rufus? The guy is smoking hot. I’d love to do some terrible things to him.”

“What- like give him some water and watch while he squirms?” Cloud said, looking up at Zack with a sparkle in his eye before turning the paper he was writing on over and resuming his work.

“Touché. No, that’s reserved solely for you.”

“I should be honoured but I’m really not.”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t play up on it.” Cloud glanced up, put a finger to his lips in a shush motion, then continued writing. “See? You just do it now. I don’t even have to ask.”

Cloud glossed right over that, glaring at Zack who was flicking through the pages of the textbook carelessly. “Can you stop ruining my textbook?”

Zack stopped, tossing it to the side with a sigh. “Have you prepped for the physical tests?”

“We’ve been doing extra training for it. We haven’t been prepped for the mental tests though.”

Zack winced at that. “Ah, yeah. There’s just one of those, and honestly you can’t prepare yourself. It’s a rough ride.”

“Oh?” Cloud looked up again, frowning slightly. “How do you mean?”

“Professor Hojo,” Zack said simply

“The scientist who runs Research and Development?”

“He’s creepy. I’m talking has no ethics or moral code creepy. He sets up a personalised simulation for everyone and tests how long it takes them to break.”

Cloud’s writing slowed considerably, finally coming to a stop. “Oh.”

“Don’t take him lightly,” Zack warned. “And take care of yourself afterwards, okay? You’re going to feel like a shit for a few days.”

“What did he do to you?”

Cloud was so doe eyed and innocent when he asked that question. Zack couldn’t bring himself to recount the horrors of his own simulation; the Gongaga reactor exploding, the fires, the lives lost as he’d struggled to save people. “Honestly buddy, I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say he digs deep to build the simulation and really exploits your fears.”

“Okay,” Cloud said, almost in a whisper. “Thanks for the warning.”

Cloud stayed silent after that, taking the textbook from Zack and copying some notes from it. Zack noticed he’d written ‘mental exam- remember it isn’t real’ in the margin and sighed internally. If only it were that easy.

“Well, I can give you one piece of advice.” The silence that had descended was more sombre, and Zack wanted to clear it. “Maybe you should go to the bathroom before you enter the exam hall this time.”

Cloud instantly flushed pink across his far-too-kissable freckled cheeks. “Got it.”

“Though if you _do_ forget, be sure to remember the details for me, won’t you?” Cloud scowled and threw his pencil at Zack. “Ow! That caught me point-first!”

“You deserved it. Now give me my pencil back.”

Zack held it out, then pulled it away when Cloud tried to take it. “I’m allergic to paperwork. You owe me for making me sit through this a second time. But- hey! That’s not fair. Don’t sit like that.”

Cloud, who had snatched the pencil back and moved to lean back against the wall, gave him a curious look. “I’m literally just sitting.”

He was sitting tensely with his knees tightly together, clipboard lying on them as he wrote. Zack recognised it as his attempt to sit still because god, he was able to _recognise_ Cloud’s cues easily now. There was probably so much useful stuff his brain wasn’t absorbing because it was too busy being a pervert on his behalf.

“Yeah, but it’s obvious that you have to pee.”

“Well, yeah,” Cloud said with a roll of his eyes. “That’s because I do. I can’t believe I just have to move in a certain way and you just know.”

“I’m suing you for wasted brain space.”

“You’re pretending you don’t actually love it still? Cute.”

Zack could coast for at least a week off of being called cute in any capacity by Cloud. He gave him a smile and held his hands up in mock defeat. “You got me. Are you going or are you still teasing?”

“I’m still working,” Cloud said. “If that means you can’t concentrate then that’s not my problem.”

“Damn it,” Zack whined, flopping down on the bed next to Cloud with a heavy sigh. “I’m so bored. I can’t wait for you to get this exam over with.”

“If you’re going to talk to me can you actually help me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zack said, grabbing the textbook. “You still working on this page, or you want me to move to a different one?”

“You can move,” Cloud said airily, leaning down to whisper in Zack’s ear. “You can move to the ‘I have to pee so badly I can’t think straight’ page.”

Zack looked up at him, utterly scandalised. “You’re evil. You’re actually evil. Who taught you that? Was it me? I need to go back in time and stop myself ever encouraging you.”

“I guess I picked up some tricks when we went to see that movie. I didn’t get the chance to try them out until now though.”

“It’s nice to see you shed some of that shyness. Did you finally accept that I find you hot?”

“How is this my life now?” Cloud said wearily as he nudged at Zack, who was leaning against his raised knees. “I’m so done with studying.”

“So take a break?”

“Then I’ll need to make up the time.”

“And we’ll head to the library together this weekend when I’m off rota and put in a cramming session before next Tuesday. Deal?”

Cloud launched the clipboard and pencil down gladly. “Deal. Now move so I can go and pee.”

“Nah,” Zack said casually, closing his eyes with an exhausted sigh. “I’m tired. I think I’ll stay here and you’ll just have to wait it out.”

He didn’t get a cutting response like he was expecting. Zack opened one eye and glanced up at Cloud, confused as he realised he was blinking wildly and staring into space. Something had short circuited his brain in that sentence.

“Cloud?” He said carefully. “You okay buddy?”

“Fine,” Cloud said immediately, apparently shaking the feeling off. “I said move, would you?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Zack did so, but Cloud didn’t get up. Zack watched him as he seemed to cycle through a few different emotions, finally settling on nervous. “I’m sorry if you think I’m a tease,” he finally whispered.

Zack blinked a few times, thoroughly confused. “I like being teased. That’s the entire point.”

“No, no, not that. I mean...” Cloud glanced up, indicted the two of them then looked away again. “You. Me.”

“Us,” Zack clarified. “How are you feeling about that lately?”

“I-” Cloud stopped and shook his head slowly. “After the SOLDIER tests. We’ll talk about it then. I need to concentrate on those first.”

“Okay. If that’s what you want.”

Cloud still didn’t get up. Zack eyed him curiously, not surprised that Cloud immediately seemed to shrink into himself and wouldn’t look at him. Something was going on there but Cloud was being his usual shy self about it. Zack figured he could either ignore it, or he could drag it out into the open and force his hand.

No time like the present. Zack never had been a fan of mysteries. “So, what did I do to break your brain earlier?”

The noise Cloud squeaked sounded something like ‘nothing’, but everything else about him screamed it was something. Zack raised an eyebrow at him, running what he’d said back through his mind.

He’d refused to move. It was so obvious when he thought about it, smiling to himself at the realisation. Poor Cloud was about to have his world shattered.

“Alright, I won’t push it,” he said, leaning back against Cloud’s knees. “But I won’t move either. How about that?”

Cloud stammered out some nonsense that Zack didn’t even recognise as words. He looked like he wanted to disappear, but he didn’t shove Zack away from him so Zack was taking it as a win.

“If you wanted me to control you a little you just had to say,” he said with a shrug. “I’d be able to do something for you for a change.”

“Stop talking,” Cloud said, covering his face with his hands.

“Nope. So, in this scenario I say no. What happens next? Talk me through.”

“No thanks,” Cloud said, his voice muffled by his hands.

“Is this part of the ‘complicated’ thing? Like I said, I can work with complicated. Just try me.”

“Let me die in peace.”

“I’d rather you didn’t. I’d miss looking at your pretty face.”

“Screw you.”

“Are you offering?” Zack pulled Cloud’s hands away from his face when he got no reply, giving him an amused smile. Cloud’s cheeks were burning so much Zack was surprised he wasn’t on fire.

“I don’t really understand it,” Cloud finally muttered. “I don’t really know what it is I actually want.”

“Okay. So, how about we do some tests?” Zack thought for a moment and took Cloud’s wrists, holding them above him pinning him against the wall. “Now you _really_ can’t go anywhere. How’s that?”

Cloud’s brain was actually going to break if he carried on. As it was he was completely incoherent, breathing deeply as he swallowed a few times. Zack kept his hands pinned, waiting for a reply that he could understand.

“A bit much,” Cloud finally managed to say. Zack immediately let his hands drop, keeping the knowing smirk that wanted to escape him under wraps.

“Something to work up to then,” he said, nodding in acknowledgement. “Okay. So for now, we’ll stick to words. But, we need a system. If you call red then everything stops, okay?”

“I don’t need a safe word. _We_ don’t need a safe word.”

“Of course we do. That’s what you do.”

Cloud laughed shortly at that. “Like you have any idea what you’re doing. Let’s not pretend either of us have a clue, because we don’t.”

“We don’t, but I sure as hell know I’m not comfortable doing anything to control what you do without some kind of system in place.”

“That would be sweet if this was any other situation.” Cloud sighed heavily, finally pushing Zack away to give himself space. “It just seems surreal, that’s all. How did we get here?”

“I have no idea, but I’m glad we did.”

They shared a look. Zack could feel the intensity of Cloud’s eyes burning into his soul, forcing himself to keep eye contact. The bruising on Cloud’s cheekbone had him putting his hand forward without really thinking about it, lightly brushing a finger underneath it.

“He really got you good, huh?”

“It’s not that bad.”

Zack frowned at him. “You shouldn’t be putting up with this. And what’s with the name Princess anyway?”

“Ah.” Cloud stammered and pulled himself free from Zack, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“You tell me not to worry about things I really feel I should be. Look, if you want to go higher with this, I can try and pull some strings and make sure it doesn’t come back on you?”

“No!” Cloud was so adamant, glaring into Zack’s soul. Zack backed off immediately, putting his hands up in defeat. “They already think I’m getting an easy ride because of you, Zack. I don’t want any favours, okay?”

“Okay, fine. But I don’t have to like it.”

Cloud shrugged neutrally and said nothing more of it. “Thank you for the help, but I have training first thing. I should get going.”

He jumped up and started gathering his papers together. Zack watched him, waiting for him to nearly finish before he put a hand on his arm and halted him. “Did I say you could go anywhere?” He said, his voice low and smooth.

The look in Cloud’s eye was both frantic and wanting. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water, swallowing a couple of times before he stared at Zack in a way that looked like pleading him to stop. Zack resisted teasing him more and withdrew his hand with a grin.

“I’m just joking, buddy. Go on, get out of here.”

Cloud couldn’t have left the room faster. Zack watched him slam the door behind him, sitting back and mulling things over. So, Cloud had a control kink. Zack had no idea how they were going to keep dancing around each other the way they were before one them snapped and kissed the other, but that information was going to make things interesting. Very interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how to tag the control thing. I don't even know if it has an official name!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A seasonal interval, brought to you by Kunsel.

Yuletide was approaching, and with it came all the trappings of the season. The cafeteria was decorated in threadbare tinsel and dim lights and people gave Yuletide cards to each other. Gifts were sent in by families, which had been distributed that day, but they weren’t usually exchanged by servicemen except in very close circles; which was why Zack was a little surprised when his friend Kunsel flagged him down in the cafeteria and handed him a small, wrapped gift. They were close, sure, but not ‘exchange Yuletide gifts’ close.

“Yuletide Blessings,” he said, indicating the package that Zack was staring dumbly at. “Now open it.”

“But I didn’t get you anything,” Zack said as he tore into the paper. It had Stamp the dog, Shinra’s military mascot, wearing a Yuletide hat all over it. Kunsel had a weird sense of humour sometimes.

Kunsel waved a hand at him, chuckling to himself. “Don’t worry about that.”

Zack raised an eyebrow at him as he unwrapped a box of condoms, sighing heavily. “Right. Thanks, I think?”

“I’m sick of hearing about your cadet boyfriend. Go fuck him and get it out your system.”

“He’s not my boyfriend and I’m not even thinking about sex, thank you. I haven’t even kissed him.”

“Then make him your boyfriend and kiss him, because if I have to hear another word about how perfect he is I’m going to ram his cock down your throat myself.”

“Nice.” Zack pocketed the offending box and gave Kunsel an unimpressed look. “He’s not like other cadets, Kunsel. He’s not like other _people_ either. He’s sweet, and I don’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever, before.”

“He’s been in the cadets, what, two years? And he’s never had a drunken night out and slept with someone?”

“Two years, yeah. He transferred over from the basic training barracks not long before we met. And no, as far as I know he hasn’t even looked at anyone. I don’t even know if he actually _likes_ me that way sometimes, man. I’m not about to push him into anything he doesn’t want.”

“From what you’ve said he definitely likes you. If he’s as shy as you’ve said he probably just doesn’t know what to do with that. Anyway- when am I going to meet this delicate little flower?”

“Never,” Zack said immediately. “No way.”

“Right now? Alright then. Lead the way.”

Kunsel put a hand on Zack’s back and shoved him. Zack went along with, sighing in a put upon way that went completely ignored, hoping that Cloud was training or otherwise unavailable.

He had no such luck. Pushing open the door to the cadet dorm told him most of them were there, noisily singing Yuletide songs and chatting to each other. Someone had decorated the bunks with tinsel, though against the metal it just looked sad more than festive.

Cloud was sitting cross legged on his bunk, a card in his hand and a beautifully wrapped box on the bed in front of him. He seemed oblivious to the noise of the dorm, a tiny smile on his face as he read what was written inside the card.

“Hey.” Zack knelt down next to him, making Cloud jump and look up, startled. “I’m sorry, okay? I had no choice in this.”

Cloud, predictably, looked confused. “Huh?”

“Hi!” Kunsel said as he knelt down as well, giving Cloud a wave. “I’m Kunsel. Zack won’t stop talking about how amazing you are and I felt like it was time to meet you.”

Cloud looked at Kunsel, then back at Zack, then back to Kunsel. “Oh. Hello.”

Zack could see the light pink blush of embarrassment across Cloud’s cheeks, mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ again. “This is Cloud,” he said. “Now you’ve met. Happy?”

“Not yet. Why don’t you tell him what I got you for Yuletide?”

“No,” Zack said hurriedly. “How about no? Who’s the card from, Cloud?”

Cloud allowed the change of subject, smiling slightly as he held it up. “My Mom.” It was a basic card with snowmen and Yuletide Blessings written across it in fancy font. Cloud didn’t share what was written inside, so Zack didn’t ask. “She sent me some of the cakes she makes at Yuletide. It’s an old traditional Nibelheim recipe.”

“That sounds nice. My parents sent me cash because they’re convinced Midgar is impossible to survive in. I keep reminding them I get food and accommodation as part of the job, but they’re still suspicious.”

“That’s sweet though.” Cloud gave him a smile, putting the card down.

“Is that your Mom?” Zack pointed to a photo taped up on the wall curiously. The lady looked so much like Cloud; same pale skin, with a light dusting of freckles across the nose and cheeks. Blue eyes and the same sweet smile, with blonde hair framing her face- there was no-one else she could be.

“Yeah, that’s her.”

“Damn,” Zack said with a low whistle. “She’s hot.”

Cloud glared at him, eyes narrowing sharply. “That’s my _Mom_ , Zack!”

“That doesn’t stop her being hot!”

“Smooth,” Kunsel said, slapping Zack on the back. “I’m going to leave you lovebirds to it. Nice to meet you, Cloud.”

“Lovebirds?” Cloud repeated, but Kunsel was already gone.

“I’m so sorry,” Zack said again. “He’s persistent. I, uh, have been talking about you a lot lately, I guess?”

“Well that’s awkward,” Cloud said, not meeting Zack’s gaze. “Why?”

Zack noted that next to the photo of his mother, Cloud had also taped the ticket stubs for the movie they’d gone to together. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, I like you. Why wouldn’t I talk about you with my friends?”

Cloud seemed to relax a little, and Zack realised he’d been taking the talking as a threat of some kind. “He’s a SOLDIER too?”

“Second Class, yeah. He’s a good guy most of the time.”

“I’m curious what he gifted you.”

“Stay curious. I’m not telling you.”

Cloud didn’t push it. Instead, he pulled the box in front of him closer and took the lid off. Inside was a small collection of delicately wrapped cakes, with the most delicious ginger scent wafting from them. Cloud took two out and held one out to Zack, smiling slightly as he did so.

“I didn’t know what to get you for Yuletide, so...” He tailed off a shrugged, pushing the cake forward again. “Yuletide Blessings from Nibelheim.”

Zack took the cake slowly, giving Cloud the barest of smiles. “You know, I’ve been wondering whether to get you something or not. People don’t usually here unless they’re really close, but we _are_ really close, so I wanted to.”

Cloud shrugged lightly. “How about you share a recipe from Gongaga with me? I don’t know if you can cook, but if not maybe sweet talk your parents into sending something we can share?”

“We have a dish that’s made from local ingredients,” Zack said agreeably. “I’ll get them to send me some. I can cook it for you.”

“I can’t cook at all,” Cloud said, looking down into the box a little sadly. “I could burn cereal, I’m sure.”

“Good thing I can. I’ll be the domestic one in the relationship then.”

It was so easy to say. Zack barely even noticed he’d said it until he saw Cloud’s eyes widen a little, before he looked away shyly.

“Yuletide Blessings,” he said, holding the cake up a little.

“Yuletide Blessings,” Zack repeated, before biting into the cake. It was a delicious as it smelled, gingery and soft with an undertone of something he couldn’t place. Sweet, but not sickly; Zack savoured every bite gratefully.

“I’ll send her a thank you note,” Cloud said when they’d finished, putting the lid back on the box. “I’ll send your regards too.”

“Please do,” Zack said with a nod. Despite being strong-armed into coming, Zack was glad he had. Kunsel had backed out at just the right moment too; he made a mental note to thank him for that.

“So, really- what did he gift you?” Cloud asked after a moment.

Unimpressed, Zack pulled the box of condoms out of his pocket and showed them to Cloud. Cloud immediately looked somewhere between horrified and scandalised, shaking his head slowly.

“Because you’ve been talking about me? What have you been saying?”

“Nothing like that, I promise!” Zack put the box away, looking skyward in defeat. “He’s just weird. Ignore him.”

“Mm.” Cloud gave Zack the smallest of smiles, an undertone of... _something_ hidden beneath it. “Hey. I-” He paused, stammering a little and trying to collect himself. “I know I said I wanted to talk about things after the SOLDIER exam, but I want you to know that I do like you. You know, like that. _That_.”

Zack blinked a few times, smiling as realisation set in. “Oh. That’s good to know.”

“I just need to work some things out. But, I-” Cloud stopped again, struggling, before he found his voice again. “I do feel stuff. Something. I’m not very good at this, am I?”

“No,” Zack said with a small chuckle. “But honestly, I’m probably not much better when put on the spot either. Don’t worry, Cloud. Thank you for telling me.”

Zack felt like that was a good moment to smile and wave goodbye, slipping out of the cadet dorm. It was awkward and so very Cloud, but he’d actually said what Zack had been hoping to hear in his own words. That was really the icing on the top of the traditional Nibelheim cake.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack and Cloud reach a turning point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while; this is longer than usual and hits every single tag to make up for it!

Cloud awoke slowly, feeling far too tired to actually be awake. It was still dark and he could hear his teammates chatting quietly amongst themselves nearby, so he pulled his PHS out from under his pillow to check the time. It was barely eleven so he put it back with a soft sigh, trying to get comfortable.

Only he couldn’t. It soon became clear that the reason he’d woken was nothing to do with the idle chatter of his teammates, or nerves for the SOLDIER exam in the morning. Cloud inwardly silenced his bladder and told himself to just go back to sleep, lips turning up in a small smirk as he did so. He had another thing to tease Zack with sometime at least.

Unfortunately, the more he tried to ignore it the more his body screamed at him to get up and deal with it. With his teammates nearby and awake still that was out of the question; the last thing he needed was any backchat or problems from them under the cover of nightfall. It would wait until morning, or at least so late in the night that light was beginning to filter through the windows.

He had to be reasonably still else he’d attract attention, which just made it harder. Cloud growled under his breath in frustration, now wide awake, before pulling his PHS out from under the pillow covertly and turning to face the wall where he couldn’t be seen. Maybe he could rile Zack up with the information to distract himself. Sleep definitely wasn’t happening anyway.

_Hey_ , he typed, then froze on what to actually say. Zack might not even be awake. He might not appreciate a text teasing him so late at night. He opted for a simple _are you awake_ then sent it before he could back out.

His PHS vibrated under his pillow a minute or so later. _Yeah, barely. Everything okay?_

Cloud stared at the screen blankly, suddenly shy. Really, what had he expected when he had the thought to text Zack with a piece of information that Zack very openly admitted he found alluring? He grappled with the knowledge that he’d rather hoped the conversation might end up becoming flirty, feeling his cheeks burn. He was falling hard, no matter how much he tried not to.

_Cloud?_

_I’m okay_ , Cloud responded. _Just struggling to get back to sleep, that’s all._

It was subtle enough that Zack might miss it, but he didn’t disappoint. The _oh?_ he sent back with far too many wink emojis said it all. Cloud stifled a laugh, stopping immediately as his bladder pulsed in protest at it. As much as he didn’t want to wander around in the darkness alone, he was at the point where his teammates being asleep would be enough for him to venture out and hope for the best. If someone noticed and decided to jump him he had already decided that would be better than accidentally pissing himself in his bunk. He shuddered at the thought of dealing with his teammates finding _that_ one out, let alone his commander.

The idea their messages might be monitored stopped him outright saying what the problem was. Cloud typed and deleted far too many replies, finally opting for an easier system they would both understand. _8/10_ he finally sent, smirking as he waited for the response.

_Are you doing that on purpose?_

_No. Teammates are awake, staying put for now._

_How am I supposed to get back to sleep now?!_

Cloud simply sent back a shrugging emoji and put his PHS back under his pillow.

Zack didn’t send anything else. Cloud figured he was probably too flustered, feeling accomplished for it. Now all he had to do was hope his teammates finally stopped talking and just went to sleep so he could sneak out unnoticed, then finally get some more sleep in time for the exam.

_I see youuuuu._

Cloud read the message and frowned, turning over to glance around the room. Over by the door, two Mako-infused eyes stood out like light-bulbs in the shadows. Smiling to himself he slipped out of bed and past his teammates without a word as he headed for the door.

His teammates weren’t going to let it go, predictably. “Strife? Going for a late night stroll?”

“Ahem.” In the darkness the group could just make out Zack giving them a wave, but his eyes were unmistakable.

“Off for a late night fuck more like,” one teammate said lowly.

“Get some sleep, cadets,” Zack called sharply as Cloud passed through the door next to him.

“What are you doing here?” Cloud whispered as Zack shut the door softly.

Zack beamed at him, looking far too proud of himself. “You were worried they’d jump you when you were alone, right? Not on my watch.”

“Oh.” Cloud couldn’t stop himself melting into a smile. “Thanks Zack.”

“But since I’m here,” Zack said with a smirk, leaning back against the nearby wall. “You’re using a number scale now, huh?”

“Just in case the messages are monitored.” Cloud glanced down the hall, putting one leg over the other before pulling it back again. “I’m kind of dying here, so...”

Zack gave him a mock put-upon sigh. “And I only just got here. What a wasted opportunity.”

Cloud hesitated then grabbed Zack’s wrist, pulling him to follow. Zack didn’t resist, but confusion was painted across his face.

“Cloud?”

He didn’t get a response. Cloud pushed open the door to the nearby bathroom, which considering the time was deserted. Once they were both inside Cloud leaned back against the door with a gasp, leaning forward with his hands around himself. Zack watched him, entranced, as he stayed that way for a moment, panting when he finally stood upright again. He pushed himself away from the door hurriedly, half-running towards the urinals as Zack watched wordlessly.

Cloud met his eye, doing nothing to end his discomfort as he ran one hand nervously through his hair. “I enjoy doing this for you, Zack,” he said, falling over his words in his haste to get them out before he changed his mind. “Because I know _you_ enjoy it so much.”

Zack looked like his heart had swelled about eight sizes, giving Cloud a look that said as much. “That’s, weirdly, the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“But there’s a thing you can do for me, if you want.” Nerves were eating him alive and his heart hammered in his chest. So close to relief yet not taking it had his bladder remind him what he should be doing to it, and he gasped sharply and stamped one foot a few times at the urgent pulsing.

“You need to be careful,” Zack warned.

Cloud straightened up a little, meeting his eye. “Then just tell me when.”

Zack blinked a few times, shaking his head slowly as he approached Cloud. “What?”

“Just tell me when,” Cloud repeated, no trace of uncertainty in his tone.

“Whoa.” Zack ran a hand through his hair nervously, still shaking his head. “You know your body better than I do, right?”

“Zack.” Cloud met his eye again, taking a deep breath. “Your word.”

“Are you-”

“ _Zack_!” Cloud indicated to hurry up with one hand, pleading in his eyes. “Your word means _your word_. Don’t make me beg you.”

“Is this a one-time gig? Because if it is, I just need a moment to sear it into my memory.”

“No. We can- ah! We can do it again.”

“Right.”

He said nothing for a moment, while Cloud frantically urged him to hurry with his eyes, bent over almost double and breathing deeply. “Please?”

It was absolutely delicious torture, in a whole new way Cloud hadn’t thought possible. Zack stammered, took a step back, looked to the door and back again, and rubbed at the back of his head nervously.

“Go ahead,” he finally said, trying to sound disinterested, but his eyes told a different story.

As Cloud did so, taking a few deep breaths himself to bring himself back to reality, he kept an eye on Zack. His cheeks were pink, flushed up to his ears, and he looked like he was having a little trouble breathing. As the relief flooded in Cloud felt embarrassment creep up, looking anywhere but Zack’s eyes for a moment before settling on a half-smile as he headed past him to the sink.

“How was that?”

“You killed my brain. It’s actually dead now. Just, mush. Congratulations.”

“Mm. I thought that might happen.”

Zack stayed quiet as they left the room, apparently still in shock. Cloud headed back towards his dorm, but Zack had other ideas as he grabbed his wrist and pulled him in the other direction. He had thin, lithe wrists. He knew that, because he had thin, lithe everything. Zack’s entire hand circled his wrist in a grip that was a jolt to the senses in a way Cloud only now understood.

“Nope. I veto.”

Cloud shook his hand free hurriedly. “You veto me going back to bed?”

“Yup.”

Zack was a man on a mission, leading them back to his room. Cloud had an idea of what was going on; ever since his clumsy confession over Yuletide cakes Zack had been looking for a reason to get him alone. Cloud had been evading him because he was so damn mortified at the whole ordeal, but he hadn’t been thinking about that when he’d messaged Zack.

Even worse was The Thing he refused to name- or rather, didn’t know how to name. He’d been trying to suffocate it but apparently it was immortal. The more he thought about it the more he could pick out points where he’d been under someone else’s control and liked it, despite whatever situation he was in. Like the hour he’d spent tied to the Nibelheim well tower as a ‘joke’; that had been one confusing hour that he’d mostly repressed, where he’d felt _something_ but didn’t know what he was feeling, or why, or anything.

He wondered if Zack had felt the same way as he’d navigated through his own kink. He was so self assured and confident about it. Not open to everyone because that wasn’t appropriate, but he certainly wasn’t exactly shy. Cloud longed to get to the stage where he’d feel like that about things. He’d felt shy about participating in _Zack’s_ fantasies to start with, so how was he going to be able to embrace his own?

That said, he had wondered if kinks were somehow contagious. Zack’s was working its way into his head by osmosis or something, probably because it had attached itself to the _other Thing_ and seen an opportunity. Now his brain had evolved the damn Thing and he was more even more confused- and, even more frustrated and hot under the collar.

The whole thing just sent shivers down his spine, and he was sick of trying to untangle it all. It was doing whatever the hell it wanted in his brain, and his body was just along for the ride. He liked Zack. He liked Zack a hell of a lot more than his brain was willing to admit. He _really_ liked playing right into his kink for him. He especially liked the stupid smile Zack gave him when he realised what was happening, and the look in his eyes as he took in what was right in front of him. When he placed that thought together with the idea of Zack, pinning his hands above him to the wall the way he had done, his brain short circuited to stop itself exploding.

If someone had told him that would be his life when he’d left Nibelheim as a bright-eyed sixteen year old he’d have laughed in their face. Here he was, two years later, and in a completely different position than expected. He wasn’t yet in SOLDIER- cadet training had taken longer than he’d expected in reality- and his best friend and maybe more-than-that was one of the elite he longed to be. He rarely thought of Tifa anymore except in passing fondness, like an old favourite memory. Zack had more or less made himself the centre of Cloud’s world.

That part was dangerous. Zack could break his heart easily, either by choice or by dying somewhere on the battlefield. He tried not to think about that often.

When they entered Zack’s room, Cloud sat on the edge of the bed while Zack hovered nearby nervously. Cloud let him work it out, preparing himself for the conversation.

“Look at us,” Zack said with a short laugh after a few moments, finally sitting down next to Cloud. “We’re like a couple of kids.”

“Mm,” Cloud murmured, even though he had no reference for what Zack was saying. His idea of a crush had been watching Tifa play with the other kids from his bedroom window, never working up the nerve to speak to her until he’d been about to leave for Midgar and had nothing left to lose. Even then he hadn’t said what he’s been feeling, instead telling her about his SOLDIER ambitions. She’d been polite enough to smile and nod along at least.

Zack gave him a lopsided, nervous smile. “So, you like me?”

He wasn’t even going to ease into the conversation. Just, throwing it right out there, the way he always did. Cloud couldn’t meet Zack’s eye, looking down at the tiling on the floor instead.

“Whatever happened to waiting until after the SOLDIER exam, huh?”

Cloud winced at that. What had happened had been being overcome by so many things in that moment; the cheer of the season, sharing the cakes with Zack, the idea that Zack _talked_ about him to his friends like he was important or something. It had been the perfect storm for his lips to finally spill what he’d been feeling deep down.

“Hey.”

Zack took his chin in-between two fingers, gently pulling Cloud’s face up towards him. Cloud felt his throat dry at the action, swallowing against it nervously.

“How are you feeling about things now you’ve had some time to think about that?”

He hadn’t changed his mind, but Cloud couldn’t will his voice to work. Zack slowly moved his fingers so his whole hand was cupping his cheek, a tender look in his eyes Cloud had never seen before.

“I mean, it changes something, right?”

Words weren’t coming. Cloud just stared back at him, wide eyed.

“Or maybe it doesn’t,” Zack said slowly, looking more unsure of himself by the second. “I don’t know. A little feedback here, buddy?”

There weren’t many boundaries left for them to cross. Cloud didn’t think much would change at all, except he’d gain a First Class boyfriend and _oh god everything would change, what the hell was he thinking even considering a SOLIDER might like him_ -

“Cloud.”

Zack was leaning close enough that Cloud could feel the heat of his breath against his face. His throat was dryer than Cosmo Canyon air, his heart racing out of his chest and thundering in his ears; Cloud licked his lips slightly, wondering how Zack’s would feel against them and trying desperately not to find out.

The exam was tomorrow. All he had to do was hold out a little longer, get himself more equal to Zack, and he could finally give in. Until then he had to wait, had to stop himself, had to-

“ _Cloud_.”

“Kiss me,” Cloud said hurriedly, his voice finally springing up from the depths of his soul to make its needs known.

Zack looked taken aback. “What?”

There was no sucking the words back in now. Cloud doubled down, leaning in just a little closer so their lips were only a fraction apart. “I _said_ kiss me.”

Zack didn’t need telling twice. He hurriedly captured Cloud’s lips in a kiss that was so soft, so gentle. Cloud wasn’t sure he could bear gentle after so long of dancing around each other, desperately nudging with his tongue to gain entry beyond Zack’s lips. Zack granted it, where they became a passionate mix of nipped lips and teasing tongues.

They fell back onto the bed together, tangled in a mess of limbs as neither of them wanted to break for air. Zack climbed on top of him, pinning Cloud beneath him on the bed as he kissed as though Cloud was the air he needed to breathe. Cloud moaned against him, feeling the pressure of Zack’s weight against his hips keeping him in place. Zack didn’t seem to even notice what he was doing, too concerned with peppering kisses down Cloud’s neck.

“Was that okay?” Cloud asked hoarsely. If it had been a disappointment he wasn’t sure he could ever live it down, but he had to know.

“It was more than okay,” Zack whispered in his ear. “You have no idea how badly I’ve been wanting to do that.”

Cloud didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing. Zack bit his neck lightly, tracing up to his jaw with his tongue before he slipped it greedily back into Cloud’s mouth again.

When they broke again for air Cloud finally nudged Zack off and sat up, shaking his head to clear it a little. “I think that’s enough,” he said, despite every inch of his soul begging to continue.

“Right.” Zack sat back as well, his cheeks flushed. “Too fast? Too much?”

“No,” Cloud said definitely. “It’s not that. The exam is tomorrow, remember? I need to keep a level head.”

“That sounds like a problem for tomorrow,” Zack said with a casual shrug and a sly grin.

“I can barely get you out of my head as it is! Spending all night kissing you isn’t going to help me with that.”

“All night kissing you,” Zack repeated. He looked positively starry eyed; Cloud didn’t understand why for someone like him, but he wasn’t going to knock it. “That sounds incredible. Are you sure you’ve never kissed anyone before? You’re pretty damn good with your tongue.”

Cloud had so many responses to that, but none were going to cool the mood any. “I haven’t.”

He knew he was disguising how he was feeling badly. His voice betrayed him, but in case Zack wasn’t sure it was written all over his face too. Cloud took shallow breaths as Zack watched him intently, trying to calm his racing heart. ‘A problem for tomorrow’ indeed; they weren’t going to get through the evening without getting their hands on each other again, despite all the best intentions in the world.

“Hang on.” Zack hesitated for a second, before he reached down the side of the bed and pulled up two silk strips. “Look, tell me no or red or whatever if you want, but-”

He stopped speaking, taking one of Cloud’s wrists and winding the silk around it. Cloud watched him, eyes like saucers, but he didn’t stop him. Zack didn’t continue, waiting for any kind of confirmation, before Cloud finally gave him a nod.

“You can slip out of these kinds of knots,” Zack said as he tied it. “The guy at the store told me when I picked these up.”

Cloud had no idea what store he was talking about, but right then wasn’t the time to question it. He let Zack tie his other wrist and pulled against the restraints, feeling the tug of restriction as he did so.

“I thought you’d enjoy this, if we ever got to this stage. Is it okay?”

It was more than okay. Cloud wanted nothing more than to get fucked into the mattress in that moment, but he was sensible enough not to suggest it. “It’s fine.”

Zack kissed him again, and Cloud let himself submit to the feel of his soft lips and the pull of the silk against his wrists. It felt _so fucking good_ that he chided himself for being too shy to mention his kink until recently. He could have been teased and goaded in the same way he did to Zack, and it would have felt amazing. Sure, he’d have had to take a lot more cold showers, but it would have been worth it.

The restraints were way out of any kind of scenario that he’d imagined, but it was fine. Cloud let himself really feel how the soft silk rubbed against his wrists, and how Zack straddled him- deliberately this time- across his hips. A tiny portion of his brain was embarrassed at how hard he was, and how Zack was absolutely going to be able to feel it sitting on him the way he was, but Zack was also in the same boat which made it easier to bear.

Zack was a good kisser. Cloud didn’t really have the chance to really break it down with his mouth full, but even with his inexperience he could tell. Zack knew how to use not just his lips, but his tongue and his teeth too. One moment he was circling their tongues and the next he was nipping lightly at Cloud’s lower lip, leaving him wanting more the second he broke away. It was like nothing he’d ever known.

He shuddered as Zack kissed a line down his neck, quickly yanking Cloud’s shirt off over his head so he could continue down to his collarbone. His shirt was on the floor before Cloud registered what had happened, his heart skipping a beat as he tensed up.

“Everything okay?”

“What are you-” Cloud swallowed, unable to even speak properly, but Zack got it immediately.

“Just kissing. I don’t want to rush things.”

He kept his word, his lips going no lower than Cloud’s collarbone. He moved from collarbone to neck, giving every inch of Cloud’s skin attention, before coming back to his lips again. When they parted it was slow but gentle, with Zack falling to his side against his chest with a heavy exhale.

“Wow,” he murmured. “Did I tell you how amazing you are? Because you are.”

“Stop that,” Cloud said, but there was no force behind it. He was worn out and sated, feeling suddenly aware of the straps on his wrists. He tugged against them lightly, which signalled Zack to untie him.

Once free, Zack nuzzled into his shoulder and laid one hand on his naked chest. “I’m sorry. I kind of sprung that on you out of the blue, but I figured you could say no if you wanted so I should just throw it out there.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t mind.”

“Didn’t mind or you liked it? You need to be clearer about this kind of thing, Cloud.”

“I liked it,” Cloud muttered quietly.

“Okay, good. I went to Lovebox in Wall Market and had them advise me.”

“You went where?”

“Lovebox- it’s an adult entertainment store.”

“No, I mean what’s Wall Market?”

Zack sat up slightly, staring down at him like he’d suddenly grown another head. “You don’t know what Wall Market is? I’ve been out of the cadets a while, but last I knew that’s where most of them go when they have a free weekend. I mean, I figured you weren’t going there, but you’d know of others, right? ...Right?”

“No!”

“Oh. Oh, man. I’ll tell you about it another time. But, the store is Lovebox, and it’s run by two guys who are really cool, they don’t gossip or anything so you can ask them anything. I went down there after training a few days back and asked for some advice about safety and all that, because I don’t really know anything about restraints or any of that stuff, but you clearly liked the idea.”

“Mmhmm.” Cloud nodded along, wondering if it was possible to blush so hard that you died.

“I wanted to get some stuff in place just in case and they recommended these, so... Yeah.”

“Have you ever spoken to them about-” Cloud didn’t know what to name Zack’s kink, so he just shrugged and gestured with his hands. “You know- your thing.”

“Oh, yeah, I have. They gave me safety tips about listening to your body, not overdoing the water, all that. All the stuff I shared with you after we went to see that movie.”

Cloud remembered that; the train ride back to the upper plate where he’d asked Zack to stop talking before he launched himself straight out the window onto the tracks. “And they don’t ask questions or anything?”

“No. No judgement. Maybe when you can face it we can go there together.”

Cloud quickly dismissed that idea before the thought destroyed his already frazzled brain. “Zack, this has been really great, but I should get back to the barracks. The exam is in the morning and I really should sleep.”

“I know.” Zack embraced him a little closer, before finally letting go. “Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend now?”

“You’d be happy to do that?” Cloud didn’t look at Zack as he sat up, his voice quiet.

“Of course! I thought I’d been making it really clear that I like you- why wouldn’t I want to tell everyone how happy you make me?”

It was a rhetorical question so Cloud didn’t answer. Instead he gathered his senses and stood up, leaning down to kiss Zack one more time.

“Good luck with the exam,” Zack said as they parted.

“I’ll let you know how it goes,” Cloud said, giving him a shy smile as he headed for the door. He let himself out, breathing a heavy sigh of relief as he leaned back against the door for a moment. He’d been putting off the conversation, terrified that Zack would finally see how little he was worth, but in that moment things really were going just fine. Now he just needed to get some rest and wake up refreshed and ready to pass the exam in the morning. Easy enough, he told himself, if he could just get Zack out of his mind enough to actually sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the first thing you should do for your new boyfriend if you're Zack Fair and you're a lovesick puppy? Cook him dinner, that's what.

Armed with a bag of groceries, the only thing that stood between Zack and the stove was the head of the kitchen. Working in a military kitchen definitely suited Rena, as she wasn’t the type that wouldn’t take shit from anyone. She also wouldn’t let anyone in her kitchen either, much to Zack’s dismay.

“Come on, please?” He held up the bag of groceries as he attempted to step into the room, putting on his best pleading face. “My Mom sent some special ingredients from Gongaga over and everything.”

“Get out,” Rena told him, slapping in his direction with the broom she was holding. “I’m not scared of SOLDIERs, Fair. I don’t fall for that puppy dog bullshit either. If you have something special you want prepared then I can do it tomorrow at dinnertime for the right price, but you’re not coming in here. I already finished service for today.”

No-one else would get away with dropping the rank of a SOLDIER, especially a First Class, when addressing them. Zack wasn’t the kind of care about that kind of thing, but he definitely noticed it when Rena did it. “Then it’s not really a romantic dinner that I cooked for him, is it?”

“This ceasefire,” Rena muttered, mostly to herself. “Keeps all you SOLDIERs cooped up at the barracks, getting in my way. If you want to do something romantic then take him to see LOVELESS over at the theatre in Sector 8.”

“Come on, I just need half an hour and I’ll be out of your hair. I’ll pay you!”

“Damn right you will- tomorrow, at dinnertime. 500 gil, or you can go try your luck over at the cadet kitchen.”

The cadet kitchen was even more out of bounds than the SOLDIER one. Zack knew that Rena had a heart in her body somewhere, unlike the tyrants running the show over there. “He shared a cake from Nibelheim with me at Yuletide. I said I’d cook him a traditional dish from Gongaga in exchange.”

“I already said I can cook it tomorrow. It’ll be 750 gil if you keep talking though.”

“But I said _I’d_ cook it. Besides, tomorrow is too late- he’s sitting the SOLDIER exam right now, and I wanted to surprise him when he finishes.” Rena faltered, just for a second. Zack saw it and seized the opportunity. “If you really want I’ll stay away from the stove and just tell you when to stir it or whatever. Just let me prep and plate it, okay?”

Rena stood for a moment, before exhaling lengthily and beckoning him in. “If you break anything I’m going right above your head to Director Lazard and getting it taken out of your salary.”

The head of SOLDIER definitely had more important things to do than deal with kitchen squabbles, but Zack knew Lazard would take Rena seriously regardless. He was already messaging Cloud the plan, keeping his satisfied smirk to himself. “Fine, fine. I’ll be careful.”

She allowed him a chopping board and a knife, watching like a hawk as Zack finely chopped his second Gongaga chilli. “The boy’s from Nibelheim, you said? Watch it with those chillies. They don’t get much spice up in the mountains.”

“Ah.” Zack stopped mid-cut, putting the rest of the yellow chilli aside. “So just one and a half?”

“Just half. Put the extra in your portion if you like- you Gongaga kids are immune to spice.”

The rest of the prep went without a hitch. Soon the ingredients were sizzling in a pan on the stove, with Rena under instruction to stir every now and then. With rice cooking in the rice cooker Zack had little else to do but wait, busying himself with setting out bowls and cutlery.

“That cupboard,” Rena said, pointing with the spatula in her hand. “There’s a pack of candles.”

“So you _do_ have a heart,” Zack mused as he opened the cupboard, fully expecting the spatula that flew across the room at his head for it and ducking easily. “Are you going to let me take this stuff back to my room?”

“No. The cafeteria is closed anyway. You can set up a table here, and you’d better wash up when you’re done. I’m not running the dishwasher for two people.”

They worked in quiet harmony for a while, until Rena vanished with a set of keys to unlock the cafeteria. She stayed gone, probably guarding to make sure no-one wandered in looking for an evening meal, which suited Zack as it allowed him to actually stir the pan a few times himself.

Rena didn’t reappear until Zack was almost done plating the meal “Cloud, is it?”

“Oh!” Zack hadn’t been watching the time, nearly dropping the pan in surprise. “He’s here?”

“I sat him down to wait.”

Zack finished plating quickly, looking around for the candles. “Where did I-”

“I set you a table,” Rena said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Don’t you worry. I’m going to lock you both in when I leave, and I’ll be back to let you out in an hour’s time.”

“Thanks Rena. I owe you.”

“Damn right you do.” Rena held out her hand expectantly. “500 gil. Pay up.”

Zack rifled through his wallet, frowning as he did so. “You know that’s robbery, don’t you?”

“Supply and demand, Fair. You see anyone else with a kitchen to hire around here?”

Only when she had the 500 gil in her hand did Rena move from the doorway. Zack gave her a grateful smile as she fetched a jug and filled it with water, glaring at him in a way that suggested he should have brought his own, before she paused and gave him a glance that bordered on fond.

“They’re called Ingwerkuchen,” she said. “The Nibelheim Yuletide cake. I asked him about it and he said he didn’t know what they were called, so I told him.”

“You talked to him?”

“I kept him busy while you cooked. He seems like a sweet boy.” Rena leaned in closer to Zack as he passed by her with the bowls. “Don’t break his heart, Fair. I know kids like him, and they don’t take kindly to being messed around.”

“Whoa, slow down Rena. Trust me- he’s in safe hands with me.”

She glared at him for good measure anyway, taking the water out into the cafeteria. Zack followed, realising with a start the lights were off. Only the candle on a nearby table gave light, flickering across the room and illuminating Cloud’s face enough to see that he was smiling.

“One hour,” Rena called from the exit, jangling the keys in her hand before closing and locking the door.

Alone with Cloud, Zack had to still the sudden nerves in the pit of his stomach. He set the bowls down and sat opposite, suddenly not knowing what to say.

“Does that mean she locked us in?” Cloud asked, looking over at the exit.

“Is that a problem?” Zack said, giving Cloud a sly grin as his brain instantly filled in some blanks in that scenario.

Cloud sighed deeply and gave him an affectionate smile. “Of course that’s where your mind goes. I was actually thinking that this was a pretty romantic setup that could get interrupted, but if your mind went into the gutter then I don’t know what to say.”

Zack stared at him for a moment before laughing; the ice was well and truly broken between them. “How was the exam?”

“It went okay, I think. I’m pretty confident about it.”

“That’s good! When do you find out the results?”

“Next week.”

Zack picked up his fork, which encouraged Cloud to do the same. “I didn’t make it too spicy, but let me know if it’s a lot. I’m sure I can find some milk if it is.”

“It’s okay,” Cloud said after a small taste. “About right, actually.”

They ate in relative silence. As far as dates went it was a little different to what people might think was romantic; a military cafeteria dressed in their uniforms wasn’t most people’s idea of a special time, after all. Zack was in his element though, weaving his fingers into Cloud’s when they’d both finished and giving him a tiny smile.

“Give me a minute. I have dessert too.”

He vanished with the bowls and reappeared with two slices of cheesecake, setting them down with an accomplished smile. This one was his mother’s homemade cheesecake, using local fruit as a base, which had mercifully survived the journey from Gongaga intact. Zack held out a bite of it out for Cloud, getting a sly smile in response.

“Even I know that’s cliché.”

“Just go with it,” Zack said with a shrug.

Cloud leant across the table, looking up through his eyelashes at Zack as he did so. He licked the bite of cheesecake lightly first, sending Zack’s heart rate through the roof, before biting down and glancing up at Zack again.

“What the hell,” was all Zack could mutter, his eyes wide.

Cloud just shrugged, taking the fork from him. “It’s good. Did you make this?”

“No, not this. My Mom did. Again- what the hell was that, Cloud?”

“I’m just trying stuff,” Cloud said, looking suddenly self conscious as he refused to meet Zack’s eye. “Is it bad?”

“No. No! Not bad. Just surprising, that’s all. Once you get past that shyness of yours, you’re a teasing little temptress.”

Zack felt like smacking himself on the nose like a disobedient puppy. No, bad, off to horny jail with you. He watched Cloud eat the cheesecake, this time completely normally, with far too many thoughts about other things his mouth could be doing. He had every intention of sticking to the thought of going slow, especially since Cloud was so inexperienced, but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to do devious things to him.

It wasn’t like Cloud didn’t play on it though. Underneath a boatload of timidity was an energy Zack couldn’t wait to harness properly, when the time was right.

With food done all that was left was them and the candlelight. Zack watched the flicker of the flame dance light across Cloud’s eyes, unable to help himself from getting up and heading around the table to him. Once there he pulled him up and hugged him tightly, threading his fingers through Cloud’s fine, soft hair.

He was a SOLDIER. SOLDIERs were meant to be emotionless and effective. Zack had been neither of those things since getting to know Cloud, and a tiny part of his mind worried about it. He hadn’t been sent on any missions outside of the usual monster despatches in the slums. No true missions like the ones in Wutai. Nothing eroded your sense of comfort and brought you down to your base emotions more than fighting enemies to the death, ending the day covered in more blood than sweat.

Things with Cloud were almost like a dream. In the safety of the barracks they could explore each other without a care, but back out in the real world chaos still rampaged even without the war. Zack had seen enough, lost enough, to know he needed to embrace moments as they happened.

“This was great,” he said quietly. “Really great.”

He didn’t get a reply. Zack moved to pull away from the embrace, but Cloud seemed reluctant to do so. He buried his head into Zack’s shoulder, their height difference giving him the advantage to do so. Zack let him stay that way for a few moments longer before pulling him back. He was met with a soft smile and wet blue eyes, Cloud already shaking his head at the question he knew would come.

“Apparently I’m the kind of person who cries when they’re happy. Who knew? Not me.”

It was so sweet Zack could practically feel his teeth rotting. “Damn, I guess I better prepare myself for when you pass the SOLDIER exam then, huh?”

“ _If_ I pass,” Cloud corrected. “I’m not there yet.”

Zack resisted the urge to say ‘you’ll be fine’ because honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure he would be. Even if he passed the written exam Hojo’s mental examination was brutal on even the toughest cadets, and Cloud was clearly not someone with strong mental fortitude at times. All Zack could hope was that he would be when under pressure. “I promised to wash up,” he said instead. “I need to do that before Rena comes back.”

Cloud pitched in, washing up while Zack dried. They soon had the kitchen spotless, with ten minutes left on the clock. Zack didn’t even attempt to deny that he wanted to spend that ten minutes with his tongue in Cloud’s mouth, attaching himself to him the second Cloud finished drying his hands. He backed him up against the counter, hoisting him to sit on it and leaning in-between his legs to deepen the kiss in one swift movement without breaking apart.

The tension in the air was unmistakable, and Zack knew it would be until that day they crossed the line between kissing and more. Cloud was the navigator of the speed of things though; it was up to Zack to stay back and let him lead, as slowly and delicately as he needed.

“It’s kind of scary,” Cloud said between breaths once they had broken apart.

“What is?”

“Knowing one day I’m going to stop holding back,” Cloud said simply, leaning in for another kissing session. Zack obliged him, his hands tucked up Cloud’s shirt as he ran his fingernails lightly across his back. Cloud shuddered beneath his lips, tiny gasps escaping him as he leaned back into it.

“Look at you- you can barely control yourself,” Zack whispered in his ear. “You’ve spent months teasing me, but when I turn it on you you’re like a cat in heat.”

“A cat in heat would let themselves get fucked senseless,” Cloud whispered back.

Well, he wasn’t wrong. The words went straight to Zack’s libido as he kissed a line behind Cloud’s ear down to his neck. It was going to be torture, letting Cloud set the pace, when he was so alluring and knew all the right things to say.

If there was ever a metaphor for a bucket of cold water, it was provided by being smacked with a broom. Zack jumped back and turned to glare to Rena, who gave him an unimpressed look that could wither flowers.

“Get off my worktop,” she said, smacking Cloud as well- though, Zack noted, it was lighter than she’d hit him. Cloud didn’t need telling twice, stammering apologies as he jumped down and looked anywhere but her.

“You’re early,” Zack said crossly.

“And you’re defiling my kitchen. You left the candle burning unattended as well.”

“Sorry,” he said automatically. “Thank you, Rena. We’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Damn right. Shoo, both of you.”

She’d blown the candle out. Zack took Cloud’s hand and led him across the dark cafeteria, trying not to bump into too many tables. Once they were outside the door he realised Cloud was suppressing laughter, one hand over his mouth and mirth in his eyes. Apparently being thrown out like naughty schoolchildren was hilarious, because Zack found himself joining in.

“Oh man,” he said between bouts of laughter. “We’re just lucky she didn’t charge us for corrupting her kitchen.”

“Did she charge you for this?”

“Oh yeah.” Zack took Cloud’s hand and squeezed it gently. “It’s okay though. This was the best 500 gil I’ve ever spent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haaaaate naming/putting focus on OCs but the kitchen scene didn't work without naming Rena. Hopefully it was okay.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud is missing, and Zack isn't happy about it.

Zack refused to feel like a needy puppy, but it was three days post-SOLDIER trials and he hadn’t heard a thing from Cloud. He’d passed his second exam with an impressive 97%, been taken along for the physical and mental tests two days later, and it had been radio silence ever since. At first Zack had left him alone, figuring he was either smarting from a bad result or perhaps just a little traumatised by whatever shit Hojo had subjected him to, but now he knew something was _wrong_. It had been too long, and he wasn’t picking up Zack’s calls or answering his messages. It meant he had one choice for answers, even if he wasn’t happy about it.

“First Class Fair, why are you loitering around watching my squad train?”

Zack forced himself to take a deep breath, figuring if Commander Asshole was going to shout halfway across the training grounds then he was going to shout right back at him. “Your squad minus Cadet Strife, I notice. Do you know where he is?”

At least now the commander deigned him worthy to walk over to, something akin to concern etched behind his eyes. “I thought that’s what you’d come to tell me.”

Zack was trained enough to immediately bolt down his panic, simply frowning slightly. “When did you see him last?”

“When he went with Professor Hojo for the mental exam. He failed the physical, by the way. He’s too short and choosing a big sword doesn’t change that.”

“You know as well as I do SOLDIER entry is more about guidelines. He’s agile. He can make up for his height disadvantage.”

“And that’s why he was still called for the mental exam. He hasn’t been back since. Professor Hojo refuses to discuss it with me and the clearance level for that information is way above my pay grade.”

“Heidegger talked though?”

“He did. He was impressed enough at first glance. I was looking forward to getting Cadet Strife out of my hair, but I didn’t expect him to quit.”

“Quit?” Zack shook his head rapidly. “No, Cloud wouldn’t quit.”

The commander swept a hand across the training grounds. “If he hasn’t packed up and gone back to the mountains, then where is he?”

“Hojo’s simulation is tough on people. Maybe he just needed some time to recover?” Zack was clutching at straws, and the commander saw straight through him.

“Then I’d hope he would come to me and get authorisation for a rest day.” He sighed, giving Zack a look that bordered on sympathy. Almost. “Look, a lot of people join the cadets, all bright eyed and eager, but they just don’t make the cut. I’m sorry your pet project up and vanished on you, but if he’s not back here by Monday next week then I have to write him up.”

“That _pet project_ is my friend,” Zack said through gritted teeth. “And he’ll be back. I’ll find him.”

“Good for you. Give him an attitude adjustment when you find him, would you? He’s a mouthy little shit sometimes.”

Zack didn’t give that an answer, turning on his heel and stalking away.

His next stop was Cloud’s dorm. With the cadets in training the room was empty, so he didn’t get any questions as tossed the bed quickly. Cloud’s PHS was gone, which meant he likely had it on him, but nothing else seemed to be missing. The photo of his mother and the movie tickets stubs were still taped to the wall.

Zack sighed and sank down on the edge of the bed, calling Cloud’s PHS again just in case. When it rang off with no reply, he tried again. Then again, and again. He would _irritate_ Cloud into answering him if it meant he got an actual reply.

After the ninth time, it finally connected. Zack held his breath, saying nothing.

“Are you done?” Cloud said, sounding so drained that Zack was even more worried.

“Where the hell are you and why haven’t you been answering?!”

Whoops, maybe raging anger wasn’t the best response. To his credit Cloud didn’t hang up. Zack took a deep breath, counted to five, then tried again.

“I’m worried, Cloud. Did something happen with Professor Hojo? Did-”

“Don’t say his name,” Cloud hissed out. The venom in his voice was so potent Zack felt poisoned just listening to it. “Creepy, you said? Zack, the man is insane. I mean, legally fucking _insane_.”

So the simulation had gone badly. Zack had guessed as much. “Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

“Midgar.”

Zack would have rolled his eyes if he was in any other mood. “Are you hiding out somewhere in the barracks? Your commander needs you back by Monday else he has to write you up.”

“Let him.”

Zack struggled with the right words to reply with; hearing how Cloud’s breathing was clearly suppressing tears was hard, and he wanted nothing more than to hug him. “Can I come to you?”

“I’m not at the barracks anymore.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’ll hire a vehicle and come get you.”

“I’m not coming back, Zack. I can’t.”

“You can. Of course you can.” Zack wasn’t going to hear that. He was absolutely, no way going to accept those words. “Where else would you go?”

“I don’t know!” Cloud choked on those words, taking a second before he spoke again. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to make you like me. I don’t even know why you do. You’ll be fine without me- don’t even pretend like you won’t be.”

“Wait, what? None of that makes any sense, Cloud. Not getting into SOLDIER doesn’t change how I see you.”

“It changes everything,” Cloud said, his voice a whisper. “Without SOLDIER I can’t have _you_. At least being a Third would have made us more equal.”

Zack was stunned. He had never once compared them by their ranks; the thought hadn’t occurred to him to do so. “I don’t care what rank you are, Cloud! It’s not important.”

“ _It is_!” The sheer ferociousness in Cloud’s voice had Zack pull the PHS away from his ear a moment, his own breath catching in his throat as Cloud continued. “Don’t you _see_? Why don’t you see it?!”

“Because it’s not there! It’s something your brain made up because you feel worthless, and _don’t_ even pretend you don’t because it’s written all over you. You let your teammates do whatever they like to you because you don’t think you’re _worth_ helping.”

Cloud was silent. Zack took a couple of deep breaths before continuing.

“But, Cloud, you’re worth so much more than you think. I don’t care what your teammates say, or the folks back in Nibelheim, or anyone. So you’re not going to be a SOLDIER yet- so what? It doesn’t matter to me.”

Cloud still said nothing. Zack really hoped he was listening.

“I’m worried about you. I’ve been worried about you for three days now. I’m a little bit mad that you ignored me trying to contact you. I’m sad for you that things haven’t worked out how you wanted. But most of all, I miss you and I just want to give you a hug because I think you need one.”

He still didn’t get a reply, but Zack could hear soft sobs that Cloud was barely managing to repress.

“Where are you, Cloud? I need to come to you. Please let me.”

Cloud hung up.

Zack tried not to punch the mattress he was sitting on, lying back on Cloud’s bed and staring at the metal of the bunk above him. The sheets smelt like him; that light blend of musk, coconut and standard issue Shinra body-wash that combined was so uniquely Cloud. Zack told himself that yes, taking a sheet with him when he left would be kind of weird, but that didn’t stop him inhaling the coconut scent on the pillow.

He couldn’t get up just then. The energy to do so had simply deserted him. He needed to snap out of it and go to the gym, go spar with someone, go do _something_ actually related to his job for once, but he just didn’t have the willpower.

Zack flicked through numbers on his PHS, sighing at how pathetic he felt as he selected Kunsel’s name. He wasn’t going to be happy to be hearing more of Zack’s venting about Cloud, but he’d never once judged him for it.

“Stop moping around and go find him, dumbass,” was the predictable response he got from his friend.

“I don’t know where he is and he turned his PHS off.”

“Does he have any usual haunts?”

“Not that I know of.”

Kunsel sighed wearily. “Zack Fair, you are a mess.”

“I know, I know. I’m pathetic.”

“Look, just get one of the Turks to track his PHS. Aren’t you friends with one- Cissnei, right?”

“I am _not_ tracking his PHS.”

“You wouldn’t be tracking it, Cissnei would. She’d do it too, I bet. You don’t get to be in the Turks without being morally questionable.”

“Why did I call you again? You’re not helpful.”

“Because no-one else will listen to you talk about him all the fucking time, will they?”

“No tracking,” Zack said firmly.

“If SOLDIER means as much to him as you say, he’ll be back. He isn’t going to just give up his dream because of a setback. At least, he’d better not else _I’ll_ kick his ass.”

Zack hated to admit it, but Kunsel was right. He left the phone-call- and Cloud’s bed, finally- feeling uplifted, which was better than before.

After an exhausting workout session in the gym, Zack figured Cloud’s absence- though worrying- was an opportune chance to actually do something related to his job. A quick stop by Director Lazard’s office to show his face was met with surprise, but enabled Zack to get an update on the status of Wutai.

“Still on pause,” Lazard told him. “Don’t worry. You’re not getting shipped off anytime soon. You have all the time in the world for your cadet.”

Zack wasn’t sure how the Director of SOLDIER knew about Cloud, but he figured it was probably his job to keep tabs on his troops. “Right. Director, I know this is a little sudden, but could I take a couple of days off?”

Lazard looked amused, looking up from the paperwork he was filling out. “For the cadet?”

“No! Well, yes. Sort of.”

Pen in hand, Lazard gestured to the chair in front of his desk. “Take a seat, Zack.”

So Zack did. Of all the people to open up to he had never expected it to be Lazard, but he found himself spilling his worries about Cloud’s disappearance. As he talked, Lazard logged onto his computer and pulled up Cloud’s file.

“Hm. A frequent flier down at medical it seems.”

“Yeah. He gets attacked a lot.”

Lazard shook his head, projecting the file onto his overheard screen so Zack could see it too. “Not quite. He got transferred here from the basic training barracks over in Junon about six months ago. He got a few too many disciplinary actions and they moved him over to us as a last chance.”

“What?” Zack tried to make sense of the words in front of him, shaking his head in confusion. “So he was starting fights?”

“So it seems. There’s some defensive injuries listed, but it seems like he’s a bit of a firecracker. You didn’t know?”

When he really thought about it, Zack did know how fiery Cloud’s temper could get in the right moment. “But, Director- since I’ve known him, he doesn’t bite back at people at all. I’ve seen it, even when he didn’t know I was watching. He just lets them do whatever they want.”

Lazard was already clicking deeper into the file, going through notes until he found the transfer form. “Let’s see... Talented young man. Lacks self confidence. Struggles with anger- seems to be directed at self, but takes it out on others. Possibly related to Nibel Mountain incident, as recounted to medical staff- see other notes.”

“What about since he transferred? Is there anything about that? And what’s this Nibel Mountain thing?”

“Slow down, Zack. I can only click so fast.” Lazard chuckled to himself as he skimmed through mission notes, frowning when he realised that Nibel wasn’t a mission, before going back to the medical admissions. “Here. Arrived in medical at 17.43 with lacerations on right hand. States he broke a mirror and was concerned about laceration near forefinger knuckle. When quizzed about incident he broke down- staff concerned, moved to private bay. Cadet stated he was angry at self and didn’t know how to deal with it. Careful probing had him reveal failure to save friend Tifa at Nibel Mountain as a child- friend was incapacitated for a week, expected to die, but made full recovery. Call to mother confirmed both incident and change of behaviour after. Referred for six sessions with counsellor and anger management class. Laceration near knuckle stitched twice, all other injuries superficial. Discharged 23.13.”

Zack hadn’t noticed he was clenching his fists tightly until Lazard was done talking. “He never said anything,” he murmured, but really, who was he to talk? He had his own baggage, boxed up in the recesses of his mind, and sometimes those boxes were meant to stay sealed.

“It looks like all his admissions while here have been self defence or unprovoked,” Lazard said as he scrolled through entries. “There’s a positive discharge note from the counsellor about his progress in sessions. The threat of this being his last chance probably helped straighten him out a little. Or, perhaps the change of base did him good. Or maybe he just needed a mentor.” He glanced up, meeting Zack’s eye.

“I haven’t really done anything,” Zack said, shaking his head. “It’s not like I’ve been training him. He just needed a friend.”

“A ‘friend?’ Or something more?” Lazard gave him a small smile, raising an eyebrow at him in question. “I’ve heard the rumours, Zack. What you do in your private time is none of my business so forgive me if I overstep, but maybe he just needed someone to care about him. He definitely hasn’t been good at caring about himself.”

Zack wasn’t going to confirm the relationship verbally, but he had a feeling he didn’t need to. “Director, about that time off- my training schedule doesn’t leave enough free time to go scouting around half of Midgar. I haven’t taken any days this year, and I-”

“Granted,” Lazard said, speaking over him as he grabbed a form from a stack on his desk. “Honestly, you need some R&R as well. I know you’ve been throwing yourself into work since Angeal’s death. You and Cadet Strife help each other, and it’s not like there’s a war right now. Find him quickly and take some time to have some fun together. I’ve signed you off for a week.”

Zack had tensed the moment he heard Angeal’s name, only realising he was holding his breath when he found it hard to breath. “I- Thank you, Director.”

Lazard gestured to the door with one hand. “Report back to me about how it goes. And Zack? I’m asking that as a friend, not as your boss.”

“Got it.” Zack was already on his feet, heading to the door. “I’ll find him.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack's on a hunt, and he won't stop until he comes back with his prize.

Midgar was a large city. In any other circumstance attempting to find one person in it would be impossible, but the average person didn’t have the Turks at their disposal. Zack refused to track Cloud individually like Kunsel had suggested, but he checked with Cissnei that Cloud was still in Midgar. When she confirmed he was he set out, sending a message to Cloud as he did so.

_I’m looking for you and I’m not stopping until I find you. I got signed off for a week, so I have plenty of time._

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. At one am he checked into a shady looking inn in the Sector 7 slums, trying not to feel too defeated. Of course he wasn’t going to be able to find him that easily, or quickly- not without a hint, and he really didn’t want to hit up Cissnei for them. Cloud himself was the only moral option, and he’d been silent all evening.

 _I miss you_ , he messaged, because sitting in a dingy room with a half-working light that flickered was not helping his mood any.

He wasn’t expecting a message back. _I miss you too._

The urge to ask the obvious question was strong, but Zack resisted it. _How are you feeling?_

_I’ve been better. I’m sorry you’re getting dragged down with me._

_I’m worried about you. If you’re planning on leaving then at least let me say goodbye in person._

He got no response to that. Zack tossed the PHS to the side with a weary sigh, resigning himself to a fitful night’s sleep. That was exactly what he got on the lumpy mattress too, deciding to skip the inn’s offering of breakfast for a muffin from a snack stand in the slums.

 _Good morning_ , he messaged, hoping to pull Cloud into casual conversation.

 _Hi_ , came the message back. Zack smiled at the screen, feeling relieved.

_Are you safe?_

Zack could see the roll of Cloud’s eyes in his mind, looking utterly offended at the suggestion _. Of course I’m safe. I can take care of myself._

_Will you tell me where you are if I ask enough times?_

The response from Cloud took longer to come through. Zack watched his PHS intently, waiting. _I’m working through some stuff right now. About us, I mean._

Zack frowned at that, already dialling Cloud’s number. “You don’t get to say stuff like that and then not pick up,” he snapped into the answer-phone.

_I mean I’m trying to get my head straight about where it leaves us if I quit Shinra. Sorry. I’m not good at this._

_It would be easier if I could just talk to you. Why won’t you pick up my calls?_

_Because if I hear your voice it’ll be harder to make a decision with a clear head._

The sentiment was sweet, but Zack let it roll off of him in favour of pushing the point harder. _You spent three days without hearing my voice before I got worried enough to go hunting for you. That obviously hasn’t worked, so maybe you need to change things up._

Zack got no further replies. Fed up with typing, he took to leaving a message on Cloud’s answer-phone as he walked towards the Sector 7 train station. “I know SOLDIER means a lot to you. I know it’s been your dream since forever, and I know it’s tough getting rejected. I understand why you’re so down about it, but you can reapply, okay? So what if it takes longer to get in? There’s no time limit-”

He didn’t expect Cloud to actually halt his tirade by picking up. “Zack, just stop. I can’t reapply yet. I’m banned from re-entering for a year.”

“What?” Zack had heard of that before, but it was uncommon. The knowledge didn’t answer any questions either- it just gave him more of them. “I spoke to your commander. He said Heidegger was impressed with you.”

Cloud laughed shortly. “I failed the physical.”

“I heard you picked the sword.” Zack had seen Cloud eyeing his own Buster Sword one too many times to know he was smitten with the idea. “You’re gun trained though. It might have been safer to pick that.”

“Heidegger said I was going to fail because of my height the second I walked in that room. I have basic sword skills and I wanted to prove him wrong. I needed to stand out.”

Zack could see the logic in that. “The entry tests are more of a guideline anyway. They wouldn’t have called you in for Hojo’s if they didn’t think you had potential.” The noise Cloud made in response to hearing the man’s name was beyond distaste and well into fury. “And Hojo’s a sentient bag of dicks, I get it. What happened?”

That was the roadblock to further conversation. Cloud refused to speak, though after a few tense moments Zack realised it was because he was crying.

“Hey, come on.” He felt so useless being so far away.

“I’d rather tell you in person. It’s a lot.”

“I’ll come to you, wherever you are. Please let me in, Cloud.”

“This is why I was avoiding you,” Cloud said after a few tense moments. “I knew I couldn’t say no to you when I heard your voice. I’m in the Sector 8 entertainment district.”

Zack glanced up to check train times, seeing the next train to Sector 8 was in four minutes. “I’ll come to you. Don’t go anywhere.”

He got a short, sad laugh in reply. “You don’t give up, do you?”

“For you? Never.”

“I’m so sorry,” Cloud whispered, apologising for what Zack suspected was mostly his own existence. “I really am. I’m sorry.”

“You’re in a bad place, right? I’ve been there. It’s hard to go through that alone.” Zack really wished he wasn’t talking from experience. “I’m coming, okay? Just wait for me.”

He spent the train ride over to Sector 8 tense, willing time to move faster. Cloud couldn’t leave. Zack knew he had no control over it, but he couldn’t handle the thought of Cloud being anywhere but right by his side. He refused to acknowledge that it might be love nipping at the edges of his consciousness, because he was a trained as a SOLDIER above everything else. SOLDIERs fought, they came home triumphant, and it was their reason to live. They didn’t live for cadets with hair like the sun and a smile that could melt ice. They gave up the trappings of a normal life for war, for glory, and for Shinra.

Once off the train in the entertainment district, Zack headed to Loveless Street quickly. He spotted Cloud, sitting propped up against a wall near the theatre. As he approached they locked eyes, Zack opening his mouth as they got within earshot of each other to say something comforting, but Cloud launched himself straight into Zack’s arms and shattered.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed, as Zack ran a comforting hand through his hair. “I really am, I’m so sorry.”

“Shush,” Zack soothed. “That’s enough, Cloud.”

They stayed that way for a while. As a SOLDIER Zack was pretty good at keeping his emotions in check, but the soft sobs on his shoulder were enough to tug his heart in ways that ached. Instead he listened to the bustling sounds around them on the busy street, the teller outside the theatre, the snippets of conversation from people as they passed by, while rubbing circles on Cloud’s back and fingers through his hair.

“I’m so tired,” Cloud finally said when words were possible.

“I’ll bet. Do I have to go threaten Hojo myself for information, or do you think you can manage filling me in?”

Cloud pulled back, looking more composed, but still sad enough that it made Zack want to hug him again. “We can talk about it.”

“Sector 8, huh?” Zack gestured to the street they were standing in with one arm. “Inns and food are expensive here. Why here?”

“It’s okay,” Cloud murmured in a dismissive way that Zack immediately knew the meaning behind. “I wanted to come somewhere lively to keep my mind occupied, and I remembered how busy it was when we came up to the cinema here.”

“I’m buying you breakfast,” Zack said firmly. “Where have you been sleeping?”

“Here and there.”

Zack frowned at him, and got a neutral look in return. “We can eat at the fountain in the plaza. It’s usually quieter over that way.”

With take-out containers of rice in their hands, Zack led them to the fountain. They sat together on the edge of it in quiet harmony; Zack watching Cloud more than eating, while Cloud picked at the food.

“So,” Zack finally said, when the suspense became too much. “Hojo, huh?”

Cloud looked up at him, opening his mouth to speak a few time before he finally managed to. “Fuck him.”

Zack burst out laughing at that. “Cloud, I really do lov-” He stopped short, registering what he was about to say. Cloud registered it too, eyes wide. “Right. I think he actually gets off on breaking cadet’s minds. He probably jerks it to his simulations.”

“Thanks Zack. You could have not said those words, but here we are.”

Thankful Cloud had let him rescue the moment, Zack focused and put himself back on track. “Hojo simulated the reactor in my home town blowing up. My job was to hunt for survivors. Everyone I knew was dead. My parents were dead. And damn, Hojo knows how to simulate a realistic corpse.”

“Yup.” Cloud didn’t meet his eye. “He sure does.”

“Death and destruction,” Zack said with a heavy sigh. “He prides himself on tailoring every simulation to the cadet, going through their notes and background before he builds it. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said he threw them into something like that, or a warzone.”

“Hojo is a monster,” Cloud said softly. “He burnt Nibelheim to the ground. No, not him- _Sephiroth_ , he had General Sephiroth do it. He killed my Mom. I saw her, Zack. She was- no, I-”

“It sucks, I know,” Zack said quickly. “What happened? Were you supposed to stop him or something?”

“No,” Cloud whispered. “ _You_ were trying to stop him. You chased him to the reactor in the mountains. Tifa was there too. Sephiroth had killed her dad and she was screaming and yelling about going after him. It was all a blur. The next thing I know I’m standing in front of Sephiroth with his sword screaming at him and trying to kill him, but I don’t know if I actually did. Then I was strapped to a table with doctors injecting me with something and I panicked. They terminated the simulation because I passed out. That’s why I’m banned from reapplying for now. Apparently I need to go to some kind of mind fortification class, whatever the hell that means.”

Wow.” It was definitely one of the worst Zack had heard of. “Sounds like he really went all out on you.”

“I’m sure my file is full of things he could throw at me,” Cloud said, a touch of bitterness in his tone. “He probably had a great time setting it up.”

“Your file doesn’t have anything in it that would lead to that kind of idea, unless you’re completely twisted. I can’t believe he knew to put me in too.” Even _Hojo_ knew they were important to each other. The idea made Zack’s skin crawl.

“You’ve seen my file?”

Zack hadn’t been planning on letting that slip until the moment was right, but he couldn’t avoid it now. “Bits of it...?”

Cloud sounded scandalised. “Did you look me up?!”

“No! Director Lazard did, okay? I went to him personally to get some time off to look for you, and he brought your file up then. I promise I wasn’t snooping or anything.”

“Ah.” Cloud looked nervous for a moment, finally glancing at Zack out of the corner of his eye. “How much did you see?”

“Some. I know you transferred from Junon because you wouldn’t stop fighting people. What the hell was that all about?”

“Oh _._ ” Cloud shrugged after a moment of thought, apparently trying to be nonchalant. “When I was younger I started fights with the other kids a lot. I- ah, had this crush on Tifa. She was my neighbour. They all knew and teased me about it all the time when she wasn’t around.”

“Tifa,” Zack said quietly. “She almost died, right?”

“Yeah. At Nibel Mountain. So you read that too, huh?”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I did anger management courses and counselling to work through it- though you probably know that. I’m still mad at myself for not being able to save her from nearly dying, but I’m less reactive to assholes now. It just became my default I guess. Someone said or did something and I’d punch them for it.”

“I did wonder where your patience for your teammates came from.”

“I have to let it go. I can’t risk any more disciplinary notes.”

“Right. And here was me thinking you were letting them walk all over you on purpose or something.”

“Well...” Cloud shrugged awkwardly. “There’s a bit of that too, I guess. Like... Punishment. I deserve it for being so weak, so angry, so- you know. Everything.”

“I think you’re way too hard on yourself. You think I was a saint when I was a cadet? I punched someone once too you know.”

“You did?” Cloud gave him a curious look. “Why?”

Zack rubbed the back of his neck nervously with one hand. “I don’t even know, man. He just looked at me the wrong way.”

Cloud gave him a half smile. “That’s actually good to know. Maybe you are similar to me after all.”

The meaning behind those words was obvious. Zack frowned at him and shook his head. “Everyone has flaws, Cloud.”

“Not you.”

“Definitely me.” Zack clenched his fists, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I’m only going to say this once and I’m not going to elaborate, but someone really important died because of me. I’m not perfect. Don’t think that I am, okay?”

Cloud didn’t say anything, finally deciding on a simple nod. “Okay,” he said softly. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Zack brushed that off and filed the entire thing back in its box, before throwing it back into the caverns of his mind. “Anyway. If I suggested coming back to the barracks with me, what would you say?”

To his credit, Cloud actually gave the idea some thought. “I still need to think about what to do next.”

He didn’t have to say anything more. The unsaid words hung over them; ghosts in the air strangling the breath from his lungs. “I know it’s probably kind of selfish of me to add that to the things you need to think about, but I can’t not-say this. I would miss you so much if you left.”

Cloud glossed right over that, glancing over his shoulder at the fountain. “Only you would bring us to a place with running water,” he said with a sigh. “Was that deliberate?”

“Oh no you don’t.” Zack shook his head firmly. “Don’t try to distract me with that. I know you heard what I said.”

“Can we stay at an inn together tonight?” Cloud still didn’t rise to it, looking at Zack out of the corner of his eye.

“Sure we can, but not here. We should head somewhere cheaper like-” Zack stopped, lighting up and giving Cloud his best grin. “Somewhere like Wall Market. It’s the best place to go if you just want to forget about things for a little while. We can spend the day there and head back to base tomorrow.”

Cloud shrugged neutrally. “I don’t mind.”

“Oh you might,” Zack said, already on his feet and pulling at Cloud’s arm. “Just wait until we get there before you thank me.”

“Now I’m intrigued. Is it really that bad?”

Zack chuckled at that, shaking his head slowly. “Cloud, you are so naive. It’s adorable. I almost feel bad about taking you there.”

“What is it, anyway?”

“A hive of corruption and sin,” Zack said airily, linking one hand into Cloud’s and tugging him along. “Come on. We have a train to catch.”

It was no surprise that Cloud fell asleep against his shoulder when they were on the train. Zack left him there, a tiny smile on his face as he watched him sleep. He was in so deep now- a tiny portion of his brain tried to slow him from falling deeper still, but it was unsuccessful.

He was also tired. So, so tired. Mentally he needed some downtime- Lazard had been right about that- but in doing so all the things he’d been hiding in the corners of his mind threatened to burst forward. He hadn’t truly cried since Angeal’s death, but the more time he spent with Cloud the more he felt a breakdown threatening. His brain recognised that Cloud was a safe space to fall apart. But- not now. Maybe not ever.

He shoved everything he was feeling aside as he felt Cloud stir against him, painting on his best smile. “Hey buddy. We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay,” Cloud whispered, his eyes still closed as he stayed right where he was. “Wake me when we get there.”

“I will,” Zack said softly, resisting the urge to run his fingers through Cloud’s hair. “Just rest, okay? You need it.”

 _So do you_ , his brain chastised. He ignored it, as he always did, tilting his head back against the window. He would rest, eventually; perhaps when Cloud was okay, or perhaps when the world ended.

Zack knew Cloud wouldn’t have seen anything quite like Wall Market; not just because he’d come from a backwater town like Nibelheim, but because there was nothing like it on the upper plate where they were based. The sights and sounds of The Town That Never Sleeps seemed to draw Cloud in like a firefly to light. He took in all the shops with dubious names graciously, stepped past the drunken patrons of bars despite the early hour without comment, and only finally reacted when Zack stopped at a mobile van selling cocktails.

“They’re glowing,” he said flatly. “How?”

“Who knows?” Zack already had his wallet out. “They’re probably not radioactive, if that helps.”

“Probably?”

Zack shrugged neutrally. “Just pick one.”

“It’s barely ten am. I’m not drinking these.”

He was ignored. Zack pushed a glowing blue plastic cup into his hand, a green one in his own, before gesturing ahead of them. Cloud continued to follow without question, though he did pour out the cocktail when he thought Zack wasn’t looking.

Zack led him to the entrance of the Honeybee Inn. If he was going to introduce Cloud to Wall Market, then the brothel that lightly masqueraded as a cabaret bar was likely a good bet to get the most shocking part of the town out of the way. Leveraging his SOLDIER status got them a table for the lunchtime show- not something he liked to do often, but he felt it was warranted this time. With time to kill before it began, Zack led him on a slow walk around Wall Market.

As they walked silently he caught sight of Cloud’s melancholy gaze, directed at the ground, and gave him a light nudge. “Want to talk?”

Cloud shrugged, not looking up at him. “You’re making this hard, that’s all. If I do stay, then what? I can’t be a cadet forever, but I don’t know if I can go through whatever Hojo cooks up for me again.”

“Maybe those mental fortitude classes will help.” Not that Zack knew what they were. He was clutching at straws, and Cloud knew it.

“And if they don’t?”

“Then worry about that if it happens. Just take it one step at a time. SOLDIER will still be there.”

Cloud looked up at him, giving him his full attention finally. “But will you?”

“Of course! I’ve told you- I’m not going anywhere.”

“Except to war, right?”

Zack wasn’t the type to shrink under the gaze of another person, but he sure felt the urge under Cloud’s intense scrutiny. “There’s a ceasefire. I’m not going to war.”

“The ceasefire isn’t going to last forever, and even if it does something else will happen somewhere.”

There was no clever response to give to that. It was the risk of being in the military- one that they both knew, but had never voiced. “If I do get shipped off somewhere then at least we enjoyed the time we had, right? It won’t be permanent. I’ll come back eventually.”

“And if you die? Then what?”

It was morbid, and not an entirely unexpected observation. Zack sighed and reached out to clutch Cloud’s hand, realising it was shaking slightly. “Then I’ll die with a smile on my face, because I got to know you.”

“Don’t,” Cloud said disdainfully, shaking his hand free. “I was being serious, Zack.”

Zack felt uncomfortable, like his skin didn’t fit him properly. They were within touching distance of something he really didn’t want to unearth. He tried to concentrate on the background noises of the town, clenching and unclenching his fists.

He was good at keeping things compartmentalised- too good, really- and since Lazard had spoken Angeal’s name he’d been teetering on the edge of collapse. Cloud’s descent into misery was almost like permission to join him, right down there in the well where they could just hold each other and maybe be okay eventually. “Last year, my mentor Angeal died. I understand the risks of getting close to people in the military, Cloud. He was like a second father to me, and it was my fault he died.”

Cloud clearly didn’t know what to say to that. His response was soft and measured though, radiating sympathy. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“You vanishing the way you did showed me your insecurities, right? If we’re going to date then I owe you more than just snippets of who I am as well. You keep thinking you’re below me, or that I deserve better than you whatever that means, but you keep forgetting I’m just as human as you are. Mako enhanced, but human.”

“It’s hard to remember that sometimes when you’re so-” Cloud gesticulated wildly in his direction. “You.”

“Which means what, exactly? I picked _you_ , Cloud. Does anything else matter?”

Cloud didn’t reply. He wrung his hands together, deep in thought. Zack watched him out of the corner of his eye. “I’ve never been important before. It’s not an easy adjustment.”

“Sure, I get that. But what I don’t get is why you beat yourself up for everything you’ve ever done or haven’t done. So Hojo’s exam messed with your head- so what? You’re not alone. You’re not the first person to need another retry, and you won’t be the last. Angeal is the reason I even ended up in SOLDIER as easily as I did, because when you call a senior member of Shinra a sadistic son of a bitch and smash his computer screen that’s usually a fail.”

“You mean Hojo?” Cloud looked amused, raising an eyebrow in question. “You did that?”

“Sure did. He wanted to fail me for it, but Angeal smoothed things over. He was good at that. The process isn’t easy for anybody, Cloud. If you’re willing to try again then I’ll be there this time- I can wait outside Hojo’s lab for you. If you need to punch something or fall apart or whatever, then you can do it with me.”

Cloud nodded slowly. “I honestly don’t know what else I could do anyway. I don’t want to leave because I don’t want to leave you.” He laughed shortly, shaking his head. “How did I even get here? SOLDIER was always the most important thing for me, but maybe now-”

Zack didn’t need him to complete that sentence, smiling and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Cloud’s decisions, Cloud’s feelings, Cloud’s _everything_ ; he felt lucky to be part of any of it, let alone be allowed a little piece of his heart alongside his dream of making SOLDIER. “I know, I know, I’m just that amazing.”

“Idiot,” Cloud said as he shoved him off, but it was with a smile. “Okay, okay. I’ll come back to the barracks and at least look into what the next steps are.”

Zack couldn’t have been happier, and it showed on his face. “That works for me. Okay! I think this calls for celebratory drinks when we head over to the Honeybee Inn. Though-” he winked at Cloud, giving him a sly smile “-every drink you have is a celebration.”

Cloud sighed, giving him a tiny smile in response. “Is that so?”

Zack laughed with him, sobering after a moment and giving Cloud a worried glance. “Actually I’ve been wanting to ask you about that. All this stuff we do- all the teasing, everything you do for me. Have you been doing it because you want to, or because you feel like you have to?”

“Because I want to,” Cloud said immediately. “Zack, don’t think that. I wouldn’t do anything I don’t want to. We have a safe word, remember? Just tell me what you want to do and I’ll do it.”

“I know you will,” Zack said, his voice a low purr. “So how about this? I buy you drinks, and you play hold it for me. I’ll take you to Lovebox later and see if anything there takes your fancy too.”

“Sounds good.” Cloud laughed a little, shaking his head. “I’ve missed this. This is the first time since we started dating that I get to tease you.”

“Yeah. You know that means I won’t be able to keep my hands off you afterwards, right?”

“Oh no.” Cloud gave him a completely neutral look. “Anyway...”

Zack beamed at that, throwing his arms around Cloud tightly and sighing with relief, happiness, and perhaps many other emotions that he’d been suppressing; he wasn’t entirely sure, but touching Cloud right then felt better than it ever had.

Cloud wrapped his arms around him in response, falling against him easily. “We really are good for each other, huh?”

Zack felt a surge of the thing he’d almost named earlier- something he couldn’t really deny anymore, that might scare the both of them if he actually managed to voice it. “Yeah,” he whispered, holding Cloud just a little bit tighter. “I guess we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They need some fun after all the heartache! I'll open the floor here on Wall Market. What do you want to see? How should this go down? :D


End file.
